Lies
by TheLastofUs
Summary: The real me lies deep inside me… cowering in a corner, afraid to be seen. Perhaps, I'm a bit happy… Perhaps I may be laughing or smiling… but most times I just was to get lost in my own world. Get lost and never return because all that everyone gets from me are lies, so why bother showing them something fabricated?
1. Prologue

Lies

Prologue

I always try my best no matter what he tells me to do. It was new to me at first. I tried to convince myself that it was only because he was taking care of me. It's okay to feel like you love someone when they're acting as if they're your father, right? But even I knew that was a pathetic attempt to hide it. It may be unhealthy lying to myself—to others as well. But sometimes the truth is better to go unknown to even my diary.

Maybe it's his eyes. The icy-blue eyes that make you want to try to melt them before you start melting in their place. The feeling I get when he holds my wrist—which is _obviously_ just him trying to get me to come somewhere or do something quicker because I'm not athletically inclined. The swelling in my heart when he comes to save me… That he would save me because he loves me—but that is a lie as well.

But it's too farfetched to even start to think he may return my feelings. For it's almost certain he's straight, and even if he _was_ gay, who am I to think anyone would love the real me inside? The boisterous, laughing, happy me that always sticks out is not me at all. The real me lies deep inside me… cowering in a corner, afraid to be seen. The real me won't surface because it's so revolting anyone would run at the sight of me. Perhaps, I'm a bit happy… Perhaps I may be laughing or smiling… but most times I just was to get lost in my own world. Get lost and never return because all that everyone gets from me are lies, so why bother showing them something fabricated?

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In case anyone is confused, it's Italy speaking about Germany. :3 I'll be continuing this~


	2. I Tripped

The dirt under my shoes crunched with each heavy step I took. The sun was out, making it even harder to run quickly. I longed for a drink but knew that it was no use—after all, I had to do what Germany said, and at the time, that was to train. It was a regular day, training for battles. Japan was running a bit faster than me as always, but I was trying my best to keep up.

"Faster!" Germany yelled in an enviable strong voice, running a bit behind me only to remind me to hurry.

I tried to propel my legs to go faster at his command, but I found myself pathetically tripping over my own two feet. I tumbled forward, landing on my right knee and tried to catch myself with my hands.

"Ow…" I mumbled as I started to pick myself up. My hair was a little frizzed up and my uniform crinkled. I pulled up my pant leg to reveal a scrape before pushing it back down.

"Italy, what you doing?" Germany shouted in my direction as I eyed Japan whom was now a few feet ahead of me.

"I tripped!" I said cheerfully, beaming a smile, trying to ignore the burning sensations in my wrist and knee.

Germany only shook his head at me as he made his way over. "Honestly…" he said under his breath as he helped me get up.

His large hand gripped my wrist as he hoisted me up. "I'm sorry, Germany~" I said as I tried to keep our hands connected longer. Much to my distaste, he pulled his arm back as I got my balance back.

"Italy, you're bleeding," Germany said concerned as he knelt by my knee. My pant leg had gotten a little red from the blood soaking through. Germany was already trying to peel back the fabric.

"No, I'm okay!" I said as a blush crept up on my cheeks, starting to run again, a bit slower. (If that was even possible.)

"It'll get infected, Italy," Germany stated strongly as he grabbed my wrist again.

I felt tingles go up my body at the simplest touch from him. I quickly took my hand from his as the blush on my cheeks deepened. Germany pulled his hand back, glancing at it and wiggling his fingers a bit. Part of his palm was a scarlet from my injury.

"Is your wrist bleeding too?" Germany asked as he noted his hand was a bit red after grabbing me. "Japan! Training is ending a bit early today due to injuries!"

Japan nodded respectfully as he slowed his pace and started walking towards the changing room. My eyes followed him as I was still talking to Germany.

"Germany, I'm fine…" I said quietly. As much as I _hated_ training, I knew how it was important to Germany. I also felt a little embarrassed my clumsiness is the sole reason we stopped. It's one thing for me to stop training on my own because I'm just lazy, but for me to stop others too is just wrong…

"No, you're not. You're bleeding in two places, now come with me," he huffed, dragging me towards the first aid kit.

I'd stopped my protests and let him take out the medicine and bandage my scrape. He opened the wooden door and set me down on a small stool, getting the kit and searching for the things that would help my scratch. Geeze had I really hit the ground that hard? I winced as the cold disinfectant made my wound sting.

"Sorry, did that hurt?" Germany spoke with worry and his rough hands moved with such gentleness I had never seen before. It caressed my skin and made my heart melt as I imagined him touching me in a way for a different reason than an injury.

"Not that much…" I mumbled, averting my eyes from his.

"You're being awfully quiet," Germany said, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why not?" I said, feigning cheerfulness with a grin.

Germany grunted in acknowledgment and continued to wrap my knee. For once I was glad his voice had silenced.

"Well, that's it," he said in contempt as he stepped back.

I stood up cautiously, still feeling a sting in my knee, but it was feeling a bit better. "Thank you Germany!" I said with a large smile and ran to hug him.

Such an innocently perceived action that had so much desire hiding in the shadows of it. To my surprise, I felt my shoulders tighten as Germany gave me a quick hug back. My chest felt constricted and I started to move away, feigning elation once again. I skipped away, biting my lip once my back was turned on him.

_Doitsu… Why do you make this so hard on me..?_

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**Grrr this was so short I'm sorry~ Maybe the next one will be longer. Thanks for reading!**


	3. A Nightmare Without You

**_-Italy's Point of View-_**

As I felt I was far enough away, my skip faltered into a walk. I didn't know if it was normal to run away from someone you loved—normally wouldn't you want to stay by their side? Part of me wants to… So badly that I almost bolt from my home and run to his—some days I do. But another part of me knows this feeling is unrequited and that I'd just be a burden to him. That or hurt myself in the process. There's still some small shred of hope clinging to my heart that he may learn to love me, but that shred grows thinner each day.

I pass by a field of daisies and take in the marvelous view. The flowers danced with each other in the wind, swaying and speaking quietly and gently. Joining hands as lovers, as friends. It is for this reason I yearn to be a flower—at least in my next life. Perhaps… Just maybe Germany could become one as well, and we'd be as the white-pedals beauties rooted to the soil in front of me.

I lay down in the flowers, a smile lifting onto my cheeks. It wasn't that goofy smile that I always put on in front of others; it was a rare, true smile. A smile of elation that flooded my system as I daydream of what might be—what I wish would be. I let my mind wander to places I didn't know exist, and before I know it, my eyelids flutter shut, but I'm still very much aware of my surroundings. It's like sleep, but it isn't sleep. It's something new entirely and I loved the feeling.

* * *

_I was sitting on a stone in the middle of a crystal pond. There were a few smaller stones but I was on the largest one. I had the strength to move—even to fly if I so desired—but I chose to stay still; my breathing calmed to what seemed like a dream but felt so real. The aroma was unlike any I had smelled before. The Lilli pads in the water seemed to reach up and lay small kisses on my fingers as I dipped them into the chilly water._

_The water was so clear I could see every organism that dared to show themselves to me. Various fish—some that I had no idea what they were, others I knew the name and everything about them. For a moment of curiosity, I dipped my nose into the water, letting the purity engulf my face. The cool water bickered with the contrasting warm sunlight. I pulled out of the pond and sat up, my bangs now glued to my forehead. The same smile from the meadow stretched back onto my face. If only I could stay like this forever._

_But a there was an emptiness in the air. Throughout all the phenomenal experiences and things in this fabricated world, there was something missing. A huge, gaping hole in the middle. In plain sight, yet unseen at first. It was him._

* * *

_**-Narrators Point of View-**_

"Where is that kid?" Germany asked himself as he tried to follow the trail Italy had left. He had only just fixed his knee and Italy was already wearing it out.

His pace slowed to a walk as he took in the beauty around him. His ice-blue eyes stood still for a moment or two on each thing around him as if he was memorizing them. For once he had stopped his bustling world and stopped to smell the roses—or would daisies be more appropriate? He came to the same spot Italy had stopped. He looked at all the flowers, taking in a deep breath. Even he had to admit they held beauty that was indescribable—uncontainable.

His footsteps strayed into the field by an invisible magnet before his gaze fell upon a girl—Oh, no, that was Italy. He walked towards him, kneeling next to him. What he saw shocked him. He had always seen Italy smile, but this was different. The smile graced his lips beautifully and showed no other emotion than bliss. His hair fell upon his face so prettily despite the sun's attempt to drench them with sweat. His ivory skin didn't fall under the spell of sunburn so easily. He looked completely innocent. Completely… _Beautiful_. He thought.

His eyes widened at his thought. Was it normal to think of your friend as beautiful? Germany shrugged it off—it was only a one-time occurrence after all.

His thoughts were interrupted as Italy started to stir, his smile being replaced with a look of distress Germany had never seen on him before. Italy without a goofy grin was something different… something he wasn't used to. He wasn't sure what was happening. Was he having a nightmare perhaps?

Germany touched his shoulder, "Italy," he said gently, "Italy, wake up."

* * *

**_-Italy's Point of View-_**

_Italy looked around his Wonderland again, but this time the beauteous nature did not sooth him. The pitter-patter of the small animals' feet did not make him giggle. The Lilli pads did not kiss him. The sun felt heavier on his shoulders and he started to move off his rock, walking off the other ones. With each step he took, he got more eager. He broke out into a run, though his lean body was still graceful as his head whipped around in every direction._

_"Germany?" he asked gingerly, "Germany, where are you?"_

* * *

**_-Narrator Point of View-_**

"Germany, where are you?" Italy said hardly in a whisper, but the German caught the words that tumbled from his lips.

"I'm here, Italy wake up," Germany shook his shoulders a bit harder.

Italy's eyes opened heavily before squinting at the bright sun. "Ve… Where am I..?" he asked, not expecting a reply.

"I have no idea," Germany chuckled.

Italy jumped at the sound, "G-Germany! What are you doing here? How long have you been here?" Questions plundered from his lips.

"I followed you. And not that long," he replied easily, as if he'd expected the inquiries.

Silence filled the sky and wind as they had nothing more to say—at least until Germany opened his mouth.

"Were you having a nightmare?" he asked.

Italy pondered the question. At first, he was going to say _Of course not, why would you think that? _But the words were caught in his throat. Was it a nightmare? When he started, it was beautiful and so lovely he would have died happily that minute… But when he realized Germany wasn't there, his heart constricted and started to pound panicky. Was everything of peace nothing compared to the love he held for this large man next to him?

"Yes…" he whispered hardly audibly, but somehow the German heard him, "Yes… I think I was."

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**I'd like to thank you TONS for reviewing and following! It really means a lot to me :3 I wrote this listening to Ai Kotoba by Shounen T~ Sorry if the chapter was a little confusing for switching POVS but I hope it was tolerable. I'll try to update soon!**


	4. That Smile

**Welcome back! This one will be told by Germany's perspective, so don't get too confused!**

* * *

It had been two days since the day in the meadow, and everyone had gathered for a World Meeting. I had something planned for the meeting but as usual, that blew out of the window from all the bickering. France and England were in the middle of arguing about food, China and America about debt, and South Italy looked like he was about ready to throw a punch across the table at Spain whom kept giving him the _googly eyes…_

I sighed, glancing around the room for someone who wasn't so into all these arguments. My eyes found Canada, whom was gently mouthing (or were there words coming out?) "Um… Be nice… Please?" And Greece whom was snoring. North Italy was also sitting to my right with a silly grin on his face.

"Ve~ Germany, Germany!" he shouted at me in a singsong voice, "After this let's get pasta, okay?"

Giving another sigh, I looked up at his puppy-dog eyes. "Sure," I said.

Italy gave a hum of content and he kicked his feet like a child, holding that same smile on his lips.

My mind flashed back to the day we were in the daisies. When we were alone. He looked so happy… I know this is weird of me to say, but he looked happier than when he always is when he's jumping around and singing. The smile that graced his face made him look so feminine that I would have mistaken him for a girl if I hadn't known any better.

Which got me thinking… What if Italy _was_ female instead of male? His personality definitely would have made it easy to see. Would I still view him the same, or would I feel differently? How beautiful he looked in his sleep… When he was smiling…

I looked at him now, at his face, his smile. I hadn't noticed it before but something was rather off about it—compared to that one before.

_ Compared to that one before…_ Is that all I will see when I look at him now? That smile he had in his dreams? What was in those dreams anyways that made him smile like that..? What is wrong with the real world that keeps that smile from crawling back onto his cheeks?

"Ve… Germany?" it was his voice that knocked me back to reality.

"Hmm? Yeah?" I said almost sleepily.

"The meeting's been over for ten minutes," his soft tone conflicted with his copy-and-paste grin.

My eyes snapped up as I glanced around the room. Indeed, we were alone.

"Ah, sorry. Were you waiting on me?"

"Of course!" Italy said cheerily, "We're going for pasta, remember?"

I let a laugh escape as I nodded, my expression softening.

I lagged behind him as he skipped away, occasionally glancing back at me to insure I was following. All was quiet except for the seemingly-eternal singing from the little Italian. Why was the kid always so happy? _Happy_… Now the word always triggers that day.

"Italy," I started cautiously.

"Ve~?" he replied and I took it as a "_Yes, Germany?"_

"Two days ago… When we were in the daisies…" I checked his face for recognition, finding his expression wavered before falling back into the goofy grin. "What happened in your dream? You looked… The happiest I've ever seen you," I chose my words carefully, unsure of even what I was trying to say, "Then you looked so distressed…"

"What?" Italy elongated the vowel sound as he replied giggling, "Me? I don't know what you're talking about!" but even his words were laced with some emotion foreign to me—at least coming from the bottle of joy in front of me.

"You told me you were having a nightmare," I urged, "What happened? Can you tell me?"

Italy's skip slowed a little and his expression fell, but he obviously caught it and returned to normal. _Does he try this hard to keep up this happy face? Why does he have to try so hard?_

"We're here~!" Italy sang, opening the door to his house.

"We're eating here?" I asked, aware of the fact he was avoiding my question, but not wanting to press him any further.

"Of course!" he said, "Those phony-restaurants can't make pasta like me if they tried!" He then started to get all of the ingredients out, not being too clumsy for a change. "Go ahead and make yourself at home! Sit anywhere!"

I chose a seat on the sofa, just listening to the boy make his beloved pasta. Sometimes I wonder if there's anything he loves more. I noticed everything in the house was really clean despite how messy the Italian shows himself to be. The photos over the tables almost looked photo-shopped. Sure they all had different people, different scenery, but each had him in it with that same happy-go-lucky grin. Now I wondered why I've never noticed it before. It's as if the man had nothing else in that heart of his but joy…

Then I remembered the time in the meadow once again, that face of discomfort that nearly broke my heart. It looked so comfortable on him, yet so uncomfortable to me. And that surprised look when he hadn't expected me to be there… So he makes other emotions by himself and only himself? Why does he do that to himself..?

"All done!" Italy broke my thoughts up again. "Want to serve yourself or want me to bring you a plate?"

"I'll get it," I said as I stood up, walking over to the pot.

"I made a lot so get as much as you want~" he sang as he hopped over to his seat at the dinner table.

I only made a hum in response, getting a bowl of the pasta and taking a chair across from him. He flashed me his famous grin as I sat down. Ever since that day… That day in the meadow… I can no longer look at him the same. I feel like a fool for not realizing all of this sooner. That his smile never falters no matter who calls him a weak, useless country. If that was me I would have punched them in the face… But not Italy… Not Feliciano… He takes it all with a smile… _That_ smile.

"Germany, you aren't eating?" Italy's voice screamed concern, yet his face screamed elation.

"Why do you always smile?" I said without realizing it myself. "No matter what… you always smile. You take all the insults with your lips curled into a grin. You… Never show anger, sadness, fatigue… You never show anything but happiness. Call me out on this, but you've either got to be a robot or pretty _damn_ perfect not to show such undesirable emotions."

And for the first time in my entire life, excluding that meadow, I saw his face fall—that accursed _smile_ fall. His eyes opened, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and shock, his lips parted slightly. He opened his lips to speak, but no sound came out. He looked down at his unfinished pasta and took it up to the sink without a word.

"Italy..?" I asked quietly, but he showed no recognition that I had spoken. He stared into the depths of the sink blankly as if something was going to come out. The water ran on and on. After a few minutes of silence, I just stood myself.

"I'll see myself out," I said as I wandered to the door. I glanced back at Italy by the sink and the door shut with a click. The last image of Italy without that silly smile played over and over in my head as I walked home.

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**Hehe thank you for reading! I wrote this nearly at 3 AM so I'm like half-asleep XD I hope it's still fine though!**


	5. It's All Going To Be Okay!

**Italy's POV**

"Why do you always smile?" Germany spoke abruptly, catching me off guard. "No matter what… you always smile. You take all the insults with your lips curled into a grin. You… Never show anger, sadness, fatigue… You never show anything but happiness. Call me out on this, but you've either got to be a robot or pretty _damn_ perfect not to show such undesirable emotions."

The words ran through my head once and again. Through and through. Tugging at my heart, ripping me apart. Tearing my façade down with a single shot from a pistol. All I wanted to do right now is scream, but I contained myself in Germany's presence. I hadn't the strength to keep up my stupid grin. I just took my unfinished food to the sink, placing it down and pouring the water into it. The words still ran through my mind as the water poured out.

_ God, what is going on? What's wrong with me that I can't smile so happy-looking anymore? Am I losing my touch? Does Germany hate me now since I'm not "happy"?_

I felt the water rising far and reached to turn the sink off. I looked around the kitchen again, seeing Germany had left. _He is disgusted with me. He just left._ I slowly walked to the table, taking his bowl of untouched pasta with trembling hands.

I clenched my teeth, throwing the bowl down on the floor and screaming. I gripped my hair violently as I fell to the ground.

_He's driving me insane. He's driving me insane! It's just everything about him makes me want to hold him forever. His smile. His caring nature which contrasts with his tough looks. He's just so adorable and I want to kiss him. And now… He's the person that breaks this stupid fake smile of mine! This whole show! I never thought it'd be possible to love him more but I'm just proven wrong… And now he probably hates me. I invite him for pasta and he doesn't eat, then he leaves on his own. Sounds like he's soooo in love with me… As if that would have happened anyways._

I didn't bother to pick up the broken bowl and just moved away from it, resuming my position on the floor. I didn't want to do anything… I didn't want to think of anything. My true self was leaking out and I didn't want to be pushed way. I wanted to cover up for the rest of my life… But even now I know that's a silly plan.

_ Should I just come out now? Stop acting so silly? How would everyone react to this..? Would they treat me like I've gone insane..? _I chuckled,_ I already have._

The frustration just kept building up. Clawing at me. It bite into me with its teeth so jagged like knives and it irritated me. I wanted to die. I've always thought no matter how bad things got, they always get better, but at the moment Germany said those words… I just snapped.

I let out another scream, so sharp it made me wince. I let another escape. Another. _Let it all end._ One more.

**Narrarator POV**

_I've never seen Italy like that…_ The image flashed at him again. Part of him wanted to avoid him for as long as he could, afraid of how he would be. Would he be the silly Italy or the one… from the dining room? The other part wanted to run back to his home and see what was going on with the kid… The latter won.

Germany turned around and ran back to Italy's house. He could have walked, Italy was fine it's not like time would make a difference… At least that's what he was thinking, not actually believing.

He got to the front door and was panting heavily from running uphill. He pounded on the door.

"Italy?" he asked warily before shoving his fist against the wooden door again.

That's when he heard a scream. _Italy's_ scream. _What's happening to him?!_ His thoughts were racing. He heard him scream again. The sound that hurt him more than a bullet to the heart.

By now Germany had nearly broken the door down. The door handle was broken out of the door and it swung open quickly. Germany was horrified when he saw the bowl of pasta that he once held in his hands was on the floor in pieces. He tried to locate his Italian friend as another scream broke out. Running to the source, Germany held Italy's arms.

"Italy!" Germany tried to yell, but it hardly matched the amplitude of the hysterical shrieks from the frail boy on the floor. "Feliciano, get a hold of yourself!"

**Italy's POV**

I felt someone grab me and shock took over my body. I tugged my arms in attempt to get away when I heard my name. Not some country name given to me by force. _My_ name.

"Feliciano, get a hold of yourself!" the words broke through my head like lightning through a night sky.

"L-Ludwig?" I asked hoarsely. "How did you get… How did you get i-in here?"

My eyes finally lifted to meet the blue orbs of my unrequited lover. His eyes widened at my question before stammering.

"U-um that's… I'll pay for it don't worry."

I averted my eyes from his and glanced at the front door. Or where the door would have been. What was around it was what looked like a wooden plank and a broken door handle.

"Wow, I always knew you were strong but _that's_ just insane…" I mumbled.

"I'm sorry…" Germany said. "But… why were you screaming?"

I hardly processed his words before screwing my eyes shut. "Sorry if I hurt your ears," I murmured. "It's just… Hard to explain."

"I've got all day," Germany told me and I felt my heart flutter and constrict.

Germany got into a more comfortable position and I lay my head on his lap as blush crawled onto my cheeks. I lifted my eyes to meet his and I saw pink traitorously taint his cheeks as well.

"I don't know where to start…" I said after a little bit. Did I even want to expose myself to him like this?

"What if I just asked you questions?" he suggested.

"I guess that's okay…" I said quietly.

"Were those smiles fake?" he asked.

I gulped and I could feel my body tremble. I knew this question would come pretty early but I didn't want to answer it completely… I didn't want him to hate me. Since everything he's ever known me for is a lie. All these stupid Lies…

"Yes…" I whispered.

"Why?" he asked the question with a hurt voice. Not demanding. Not annoyed. Not frustrated. _Hurt_. A hurt that made my heart sting.

"I… didn't think anyone would like me if I wasn't happy. Doesn't everyone need that character in their lives?"

"So you sacrifice your happiness for others?"

"I never said I wasn't happy…" I said in defense.

"I just found you screaming on the floor. Sounds like you're _delighted_," he fired the next question: "If this silly you isn't you, who are you?"

"I'm not sure," I mumbled and looked away.

"Could I get to know you? All over again?"

"I… I don't want you to see me like this…"

"Like what?"

"This stupid character I am!" I shouted, sitting up. "It's one thing if I'm _pretending_ to be an idiot but I don't want those insults thrown at me to be true. I don't want to fuel their fire. I don't want to be a target in anyone's heart. I want to be perfect so I pretend. I _lie_. You're the only one that's noticed any of this crap so obviously people are buying it and it doesn't matter. I just want to go back to being how I used to be."

"So you're going to start lying to us again? Just come out of this already! Hasn't anyone told you it's bad to lie?"

The words he spoke stung my heart and ripped the shred of hope I had hanging in my heart. "Hasn't anyone ever told you to lie to protect people?"

"You're not protecting anyone! You're only hurting people. Hurting me. I hate seeing you like this… In so much pain…"

"I'm not in pain," I said begrudgingly and turned on the old goofy smile with the voice to match, "Ve~ I'm so happy!"

"_STOP THAT_!" Germany shouted loudly as my smile melted away.

"I'm done with all of this," I said more to myself than to him, standing.

I started to run out of the open "door" and down the hill my house was on. I heard shouts of my name but ignored them. I just wanted to leave everything. Everyone. I didn't even look where I was going, I was just running. I don't want to know what Germany thinks of me now. The monster that lays inside of me.

I felt a tug on my wrist, "FELICIANO!" I heard a yell.

Then it all felt so slow. So dramatic like in those stupid American movies. One minute he was right behind me and the next he was on the hood of a speeding car.

I heard a lot of honking and people shouting, demanding if he was okay or not, but all I saw was Germany and the car that just hit him. The car that he pulled me out of the way from.

"L-Ludwig," I whispered as tears blurred my vision.

"Call an ambulance, someone!" a stranger shouted and others got on their cell phones.

I stared aghast at the small blue car with a cracked windshield and a cracked Ludwig over top. Drops of his blood were seeping through the cracks making a revolting picture that burned into my memory.

"Luddy…" I whispered again, "Stop laying around," tears slipped down my cheeks as I hovered over his body, "Get up… Please…" I put on my fake smile that was now ripped to shreds. "Ve~ Germany, Germany! It's all going to be okay!"

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I'm so mean ;-; More POV switching~ Regardless, I hope you enjoyed it to some extent! I wrote this listening to I Hate You Don't Leave Me by Demi Lovato :3 Don't forget to tell me what you think in the reviews! Ve~ It would make me happy!


	6. Rust

**Narrator POV**

Suddenly, Germany's lifeless body jolted upright, gasping for breath. His ribs seemed to reform and reconnect in a grotesque manner. The crowd looked either completely terrified, engrossed, or just plain weirded-out. Germany coughed a little blood up, and then wiped it from the corner of his lips. Some people had their cellphones out, videotaping it all. Germany got off of the roof of the car and winced at the sudden use of his foot.

"Heh," he chuckled nervously, "Nothing to see really… I'm fine," he held his side for good measure, though he felt no pain anymore. "Feli," he turned to his direction, "Can you drive me to the hospital?" he gave him the just-do-it look.

"Sure, Ludwig…" Italy walked slowly towards his companion, letting him lean on his shoulder. Germany pretended to limp as he walked back to Italy's house.

After many shouts of "What the heck was that?!" "He looked dead for a minute there!" "Dude is he going to be okay?" Italy and Germany made it out of their sight and Germany started walking on his own again.

"What the heck was that, Germany?! You had me scared sick!" Italy gave him a shove.

"What? You didn't know countries healed themselves?" Germany raised an eyebrow in his direction. "They can't die—at least not while they're still active and have land. They're immortal."

"How come I never knew that?! Gosh I thought I lost you…" he mumbled. Germany simply laughed at his ignorance and kept walking.

"Wait, if I would have healed, why did you push me out of the way?"

"Honestly, would you have pretended to be all weak if you felt fine? Also, you had no idea we healed apparently, so you would have been freaking out. We don't want the whole world knowing we exist you know."

"You say all that like you're so smart," Italy pouted.

"Are you saying I'm not?" Germany crossed his arms and feigned offense.

Italy laughed lightly as a real smile lifted onto his cheeks. Germany watched him in wonder before pushing a hand on top of Italy's head and ruffled his hair a little bit as if he were his little brother.

"You look cute when you smile," he said softly, then immediately regretting it as his face turned red, halting his steps. "I-I mean… Not like that way o-or anything! Not that it isn't attractive… I MEAN OF COURSE IT IS I JUST—" Germany just gave up and put his face in his hands to hide himself.

Italy hugged his side and snuggled into his arm. It's strange; Italy had always clung to Germany, but this time felt different. It felt soft and sweet. Germany felt his heart flutter for a minute as a smile graced his lips as well. They settled on the side of the hill in the grass under the shade of a tree. It was a lovely day just to laze around.

"Thank you for saving me," Italy said, "Even if I would have healed anyways… You're still my hero."

"T-That's… Erm... Your welcome?" Germany was feeling very flustered as he tried to pull away, but Italy's grasp only tightened as his smile fell.

"Can we just stay like this for a minute?" his voice was small and shy for once.

There were many firsts for Germany. The first time Italy wasn't all jumpy and smiling like a goofy clown. The first time Italy had seemed so genuine with his "Thank you." The first time Italy had held him so softly. The first time he felt so weird about being so close to the Italian.

"Okay…" Germany said softly as he watched the boy as he lay on his lap once more, clinging to his waist with his nose in his stomach. His legs curled up into a ball

**Italy's POV**

I felt as if I was going to melt. This was everything I've ever wanted. I've ever needed. Everything I've dreamt. Everything I've hoped for on each falling star—on each night at 11:11… Every time I blew a small breath onto the flames atop my birthday cake. This was everything I've ever wanted and I never wanted it to end.

I took a deep breath and was welcomed with the smell of Germany's cologne. I would have drowned in happiness right there. Caught up in the moment, I let a whisper escape my lips.

"You smell nice…" I said before I realized it myself, but at the moment, I didn't care. I was engulfed in pleasure. I could die happily right there and then.

_Please… _I begged,_ Never let go… Never wake up from this dream… Freeze time forever and let's stay here._

**Germany POV**

I stiffened as the words left his lips. What are these feelings I have? This isn't right… Why did that one comment send my heart down into a whirlpool? I felt like was about to drown in I don't even know what. I had so many conflicting opinions right now. His company made me happy, and all I wanted to do was protect him. It's only because he's so weak right? But every time I think I have my feelings figured out he does something like this… And I have no idea what to do. Every time I have _him_ figured out he does something like what happened in his home. I have no idea what's going on or what will go on, all I know is I want Italy happy, and I want him to smile from the bottom of his heart. Smile because he is happy and not to make others happy. All I knew is I wanted the smile creased into his dainty face at the moment never to fade away. All I knew is that I was in love with Italy… _What am I thinking?_ All that I can think is confusing, conflicting thoughts_. _

_You're a man, he's a man. You cannot fall in love!_

But I love him.

_No you don't!_

He loves me, too.

_No he doesn't!_

I want to hold him.

_You're disgusting! _

I need to hold him. I need to.

**Italy's POV**

I just snuggled in further as all my troubles melted to nothing. I couldn't help but notice the chain constricting my heart was still holding me tight, refraining me from admitting anything yet, or from admitting it to myself. I looked up to Germany I saw him trying his best to look away from me with scarlet cheeks and a pout. My smile lifted once more for that day as I looked to his palm where a key lied. The key that unlocked my heart. I was unsure whether or not if he knew it was there, or whether or not he was going to put it to use, all I knew was it was there. And the chains around my heart were becoming rusted. I'm not sure how much longer it can stand strong.

* * *

**Hurray for fluffy chapters! I wrote this listening to Melt by Hatsune Miku :3 I hope you enjoyed! It was fun writing. I also get writers block sometimes so if you have any suggestions don't be shy!**


	7. A Tear Stained Pillow and Crushed Dreams

"Germany, Germany!" I called with happiness squirming its way through my vocal chords. "Germany, are we leaving yet?"

"In a minute, Italy…" Germany's voice sounded a bit tired.

I stood by the door frame, swaying on my feet. Germany told me he'd take me out to a restaurant for lunch today and to say I was excited was an understatement. I was waiting for nearly two minutes in my blue tee-shirt and black slacks before Germany walked down the stairs. He looked super professional as usual.

"Alright, let's go," he said roughly as I all but ran out the door.

"Ve~ this is going to be so much fun!" I said as I continued to walk.

Recently Germany has been watching me more carefully, especially when I smiled. He stopped saying things when I faked it, but I could see his face fall when I did. I never understood why he cared so much… It's not like he'd like me better if I acted like myself. I'm disgusting and—

"Italy," Germany interrupted my thoughts. It was then I realized I wasn't smiling anymore.

"Hmm?" I said with the silly grin stitched back into my face with a needle of deception.

"What were you just thinking about? I saw you weren't smiling," he said before quickly adding: "And don't you even try playing dumb. I'm getting sick of it."

"Nothing important," I let my smile fall again as I found it pointless around Germany now.

"Promise me something," he said a bit quieter, looking away.

"Um… promise what?" I said a bit concerned.

I could see Germany get nervous as his gait stiffened and he rubbed the back of his neck before he composed himself, grabbing my wrist and looking into my eyes. I felt my eyes melt into his beautiful orbs as my hand felt as if it was disconnected. My breathing evened out and I felt his on my cheeks. He was silent for what felt like a thousand years.

"Promise me," he spoke quietly. Cautiously. "Promise me you won't use that pseudo-smile around me."

I watched his eyes dart to the ground as the words flew graciously from his lips. Could I even promise such a thing? Promise to be myself knowing he'd hate me… But I'd do anything for Germany. I'd do anything. I knew we'd drift apart at some point, but I prayed each night it wouldn't be this soon. I could hardly move let alone speak, yet I summed up enough courage—enough strength to reply to his request.

"I promise," I managed to squeak and I felt tears threaten to fall_. This is the end_. I thought. _This is the end for us. I just know it._

I felt his hand release me and he continued to walk on. My pace visibly slowed but I kept up. Before long, I could see the restaurant sign and I forced myself to cheer up. _You're with Germany now! Be happy… At least a little…_

We walked through the glass doors and were welcomed in immediately. A nice waitress took us to our table and gave us menus.

She looked at us for a moment before asking us for our orders.

Germany looked over the menu but it seemed he already knew what he wanted by as fast as he ordered. I didn't have any idea what I wanted and I didn't see pasta anywhere so I just ordered the same thing. The waitress walked away after giving us a sweet smile. I glanced behind us and she was talking to her friends after she placed the order. I saw her blush as one pointed in our direction and then they started laughing as she shook her head vigorously.

After a while we got our food. Apparently it was some kind of wurst. I prodded it with my fork before timidly taking a bite, then a bigger one. Germany seemed to make note of this and leaned forward.

"You ordered it and didn't know what it was?" he asked.

"Ve… I didn't know what any of it was," I admitted and looked away shyly.

Germany let a chuckle escape his rough lips as he resumed eating his meal. I couldn't help but watch. Watching Germany eat was much more entertaining than eating myself. I tried not to be so obvious; only looking when he looked down at his plate to eat more or when he was gazing off into nowhere.

"I'm going to run to the restroom," I said standing before walking off in the direction of the toilets.

I promised I wouldn't fake my smile but right now I just felt so terrible, and seeing him just made it worse. He invited me to lunch with him so innocently but somehow this demon of a mind made it into something twisted and I hated it. I kept wanting to think… Maybe he liked me which was why he asked me, but obviously I'm just delusional.

After a while to have to myself I managed to compose myself and walk back in looking somewhat happy. I was almost around the corner when I caught a glimpse of them and felt my heart stop beating entirely.

Germany was talking to our waitress. I saw her cheeks tinted a light shade of pink as she leaned on the side of the booth. Germany said something to her making her blush deepen as she checked her hair. Germany gave a short laugh and reached across the table, taking a straw wrapper out of her short chocolate-colored locks. They both gave a small chuckle before resuming conversation.

I felt frozen in my tracks as I helplessly watched the two visibly grow more fond of each other. At this point I couldn't help it and I felt my cheek grow colder as a tear crawled down. I quickly brushed it away and grabbed a piece of paper with a pen.

_I saw you were having fun with the girl so I left on my own to give you privacy. _

_-Feliciano_

"Excuse me, can you give this to the man sitting in the booth, talking to the waitress there?" I asked the girl at the cash register.

"Of course!" she grinned as she took the slip of paper and trailed off in the direction of the booth.

I made my way to the door and pushed it open, glancing over at Germany one last time. He looked up at me at the same time and a face of confusion overtook his facial features. I only gave a weak smile and waved as I left.

As soon as I was out of sight from the door, I broke out into a sprint and ran back home. I ran until I felt I was almost about to pass out and fell to my knees on the ground, trying to ignore the burning sensation in my heart. I felt it break apart and I was certain nothing could be done to the pieces. I eventually picked myself up off of the ground and continued walking home.

I had always known loving him was pointless… So why does this hurt so much right now? I had always known he was straight so why did I have this stupid dream? I had always know no one would love me so why did I have false assumption..? I had always… I had always known all of this… So why did I keep up this stupid charade?

I fell onto my bed and felt nothing but remorse coursing through my veins. My chest felt as if it had imploded. As if the shards of my heart kept cutting up my insides. I felt completely worthless.

I fell asleep that night with a tear stained pillow and crushed dreams.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Maybe review? They are the meaning of life!**


	8. So Miserable?

** **Note : This chapter has a bit of violence so sorry!**

_Italy POV_

I lay in bed that night as my life flashed before my eyes. Isn't it strange how at night the mysteries of the world just open up to you? Most nights I would crawl into bed with Germany, but I could see that annoys him and I just didn't have the heart to see him so irritated tonight. Especially since he's probably still out with that girl…

So here I am, flat on my back, staring at the white ceiling overhead. I reached a hand up, blocking the light from one of the lights from my eyes. I never turned off my lights, and I didn't care how high the electricity bill was. I could never turn off these lights… my security from my nightmares.

_What's there is there whether the light is on or not_. They try to tell me, but they don't entirely understand. Without light as a barrier of what's real and imaginative, they blend together in terrifying ways. The last time the lights turned off was two years ago. I don't know if I can go through that again… Unfortunately fate wasn't on my side.

The lights started to flicker before dying away. My eyes jolted open, widening as if it would make the darkness go away. As if it would stop my hallucinations.

I saw figures all over the room. Dead people. People I've killed in past wars. Members of the Mafia whom had lost their lives in the most gruesome ways all revealed themselves to me.

I saw many of them scattered aimlessly over the ground. If I told you some were human you wouldn't believe me. One had lost its eye; the socket was completely covered in blood and something unrecognizable. His mouth was open and he stared at the wall.

Others had body parts blown off, or they were physically hung in my room like a shirt on a hanger. As if they belonged there. As if this was normal.

As if the visual interests weren't enough, sounds started. I heard gunshots and all I could see was the color red. All I could hear was the clap of thunder that wasn't there. The people in my room started to move, some started to laugh.

"_Welcome to the darkness_," one to my left said. I hadn't noticed him so close.

A girl at the foot of my bed was crying: "Please stop! Don't hurt me anymore! I don't know anything!" And just like that she collapsed.

I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut, keeping the tears from staining my cheeks. The sounds escalated until I couldn't take it anymore and just let a scream surface through my burning throat.

The lights suddenly flickered back on and my eyes opened suddenly. Nothing was there. No war. No corpses. No _nothing_. My mind wouldn't make sense of anything until I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

_Germany POV_

I walked through the door wearily. I had been talking to the waitress for almost an hour before her friends started yelling at her for slacking off. At that point she gave me her number and we went our separate ways. I had to admit, she was cute and a nice girl.

I was at Italy's house. He had left so abruptly, I wanted to make sure he was fine, especially taking into account that he was so excited for the little date that morning.

I walked into the house and all the lights were on, even though it seemed like it was late enough for him to be asleep.

I wandered around the house, checking the rooms to find him. It was then I heard a scream. Italy's hoarse yelp that broke the fabrics of the air. A scream when he was in mortal terror.

I bounded up the steps to his bedroom as fast as I could. My thoughts ran a million miles. I nearly broke the door down as I was too panicked to twist the handle. I had only heard that scream once in my life, and that was when I found him curled up in a ball in his home that one day.

Despite all the wars I'd endured, I felt fear in the pit of my stomach as I scanned the room, looking for my dear ally.

_Italy POV_

"Italy?" I heard someone ask, that rough, _beautiful_ voice I had grown to love, "Italy what's wrong?"

"Ve~ Nothing, I just woke up," I lied through my teeth. My voice cracked.

"Italy, you're crying," the voice was concerned now. I felt him getting closer. Closer. _Closer_.

"N-No!" I nearly shouted, pushing myself to the back of the bed.

It was at this time, I looked up. It was Germany. My hair stuck to my face from a mixture of sweat and tears.

"Italy, what's gotten into you?" Germany asked, bewildered. His hand touched my shoulder and I nearly screamed.

I fell out of my bed and clutched my head. _I'm going crazy…_ I thought, yet I couldn't stop myself.

"Don't touch me…. Don't touch me…" I mumbled over and over, staring at nothing.

"I've never seen you like this! What's wrong with you?" Germany's voice was more demanding than questioning.

My breathing got shorter as my hallucinations started to seep back in. I flailed my arms for a minute, trying to stop all the things from crawling towards me. I let out another scream.

"Italy!" Germany yelled, grabbing my shoulders to steady me, but not even this brought me back to Earth.

I scratched at his arm, "_No_!" I screamed, and swiped at his face. "Stop it! I'm sorry!"

"What are you apologizing for? _Italia_!" Germany tried desperately to break the glass around my little world, yet his voice was not strong enough.

"I'm sorry… I'm so so sorry…" I sobbed, the last bit of sanity dripping out of my body. My mind.

_Narrator POV_

Italy lay in a ball, sobbing by the foot of his bed. Germany could do nothing but watch. Every time he attempted to touch the boy, he only got worse.

Eventually, Germany settled for sleeping on the floor next to him. He watched Italy's eyelids grow heavy as they shut slowly, forcing the last bits of tears gathered in his eyes to crawl down his cheeks. His breath was shaking unsteadily.

Germany had always known his little Italian ally had been weak, but he had never witnessed him so exposed. So miserable.

* * *

Germany awoke first the next morning. He sat up slowly as he cracked his sore back. Italy was still sleeping with a sour expression. An expression the German had now seen too often.

When Italy began to stir, Germany sat up to full attention, studying him carefully.

"Ugh… My head hurts… I feel like crap…" he groaned, placing a hand to his forehead.

"Are you alright, Italy?" Germany asked.

Italy snapped his head up, focusing his eyes on the man sitting in front of him before speaking: "Yeah..? Why are you asking?"

"Last night… you were a little…"

"Speaking of which… Why are you here? When did you get here?" Italy tilted his head in question.

"You don't remember?"

"Remember what..? You're confusing me now."

Germany looked at Italy for a moment before responding a simple, "Never mind," and standing up. "I'll see myself out."  
"Bye..?" Italy's voice was smaller as he watched his ally leave.

_What was that all about?_

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**Thank you for reading! Well I wrote this back after Chapter Two, but it didn't fit the story line so I ignored it. After the last chapter though, I thought it fit in a bit, so I decided to upload it after editing it a little. ^.^ Hope it was okay! Remember to review!**


	9. Dates are Stupid

_Narrator POV_

Italy walked to Germany's house, disregarding this morning's weird encounter. He walked down the dirt road—if it could be called that. More like a path of land that didn't have as much grass growing there.

There were various animals chattering around him. Italy was in a fairly happy mood today. His amber eyes took in his surroundings. It was times like these he was glad he didn't live in the city. So much beauty. So much freshness. It all reminded him of when he was happy.

"Ve~ Germany, Germany!" Italy pounded on the door of the house before letting himself in. "I'm coming in~" he chimed.

"Really? That sounds like fun," Germany sounded a bit different.

Italy walked around the corner to find him sitting on the couch with a smile on his face. He was wearing his usual black tank top and casual pants. His hair was slicked back, yet it was a bit more messy than it would have been if he went out. The smile broadened and let a low laugh escape.

"Okay, I'll mention it," he said, then after a pause he added: "Yeah. Sounds good. Bye."

Germany flipped his phone shut and turned to Italy standing behind him. By the way he looked at him obviously he heard him knock and knew he was there. He opened his mouth to speak, but Italy beat him to it.

"Who was that?" Italy asked a bit timidly, fearing the answer.

"Oh, remember that waitress from yesterday?"

_Italy's POV_

"Oh, remember that waitress from yesterday?"

My heart sank at the mention of it_. Yes… I do remember… How could I forget?_

"Yeah! That was her?" I tried my best to not show my depression. I had to admit, it was difficult.

"It was. She actually invited us to a date," pink tainted his cheeks.

"Us..?" I said quietly.

"A double date. Her friend is coming, too,"

I had no idea what to say—what to think. I felt my heart flip over and fall into a vat of acid. It ate and ate and ate at my heart… but it was too damaged to even be recognized as such. What a pathetic thing…

"Score! This sounds like a lot of fun! When is it?" I asked, making sure not to look at him. I closed my eyes like that silly expression, but tried not to make it look like normal. Germany could tell now.

_ Don't look at those eyes. You can't look at those eyes… _

"Tomorrow for dinner," he replied.

I let my happy façade drop as I spoke: "Oh… Darn… I have to visit Lovino tomorrow…"

This was bad news… I could show my sadness right? Sure not for the right reason, but Germany would never look let alone speak to me again if he knew the true reason behind my transparent tears.

"Woah, hey," his voice got softer, "It's… It's okay. There's always next time. No need to get so depressed over this little date."

Germany patted my shoulder and it took all my strength not to start crying right there_. It's not some stupid date! I don't need any date… I don't want any date! Dates are—Dates are stupid! I hate dates! What is this stupid world anyways that we have to go on dates… Dates are dumb… Unless it's me and you…_

"I guess I'll call Tabitha," he said, turning back to his phone that laid on the coffee table.

"Tabitha?" I already knew but I couldn't help the name that ripped through my vocal chords.

"That's her name. Her friend is Anya," Germany no longer looked at me. He looked at that stupid phone. His fingers pressed a few buttons. "I already put her on speed dial."

"Nice!" I tried to say happily but it came out a weird squeak.

Germany paid it no mind though. His phone ringing drowned out my voice. It drowned out my feelings. My heart. I hate that phone.

"Hey, Tabitha," Germany's voice sounded strange again. "I talked to him. He already has plans tomorrow." After a pause, he added: "Oh, I don't know…" he turned to me, "Feli, is it alright if I still go?"

The pet name crawled out of his lips. Such a silly, happy name that somehow I heard as twisted lie. Of course he couldn't call me "Italy" in front of a human, but honestly, that just destroyed me.

"Of course! Enjoy your date! I should probably go home and pack for Lovino anyways."

Germany nodded in response to me before turning his full attention to the accursed phone again.

I made my way to the door. I wanted to leave quickly but my traitorous legs only moved at such a slow pace it was sickening. I could hear Germany conversing with his new… friend? More than that..? How different his voice sounded when he talked to her. I've never heard that tone when he was talking to anyone else… Not even to me… What made her so special? I finally reached the door. Finally. And heard Germany laugh. I swear I've never wanted to leave him so badly before.

* * *

It was darker now. Clouds threw a dark cloak over the sky. Hiding from me again huh?

The nature seemed to make menacing, mocking faces at me as I passed them. The beautiful birds had fled, now ravens and vultures' dwelled out here, devouring a pour squirrel.

_Hey little buddy, me and you are the same. _I thought_. Except you have an easy way out. I'm stuck here… Because I'm a nation… Nations can't die. _I let a dark chuckle escape before I continued: _What I would give to be a human… Vulnerable enough to end all of this…_

I finally reached my house and fell onto my mattress once again, similar to the night before. The mattress made me give a small bounce as I landed on my back, arms spread. I sighed before picking up my phone and flipping it open. I pressed the buttons slowly.

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

"What do you want?" Lovino grumbled from the other line.

"I was just wondering," I said softly, tiredly.

_"Mind if I visit you tomorrow?"_

* * *

**_Thank you for reading! Actually this was quick for another update XD I didn't write much last time (Since most was prewritten) and I wanted to write :3 I'm not a cusser so I didn't really make Lovino cuss, but you can use your imagination. :) Thanks for reading and remember to review!_**


	10. Fate

****Once again, I don't like to curse so please use your imagination when Romano talks. ^.^****

"Mind if I visit you tomorrow?" I asked a bit timidly.

"Why the heck are you asking me to visit? That potato lover do something stupid?"

"No, no! I just wanted to visit my _fratello_," my voice was hushed and I twiddled my thumbs nervously.

"Lovi~ Come here Lovi~!" I heard on the other line, "Get away from me! AND DON'T CALL ME LOVI!"

I heard indistinct conversation (if you could call it that. It sounded more like children fighting over the last piece of candy.) on the other line until the phone dropped and I heard static. A few minutes of yelling later, I heard the phone get picked back up.

"Look, I gotta go. I have to murder that tomato lover…"

He didn't wait for my response as I heard the line click dead. Sighing, I put my cell phone back on my nightstand. Forcing my eyes shut, I tried to sleep, but my mind wandered around aimlessly, refusing my desire for dreams.

I walked outside. The stars are more interesting than my ceiling.

Lying on my back, I looked into the night sky. The grass under me felt so cold. Wet. Had it rained earlier? If it had, I hadn't noticed. I felt so high. No, not _drunk_ high… It was hard to describe. I felt like I was flying. My mind was somewhere else. I felt like I was dreaming, yet every time I pinched myself to make sure, I was awake. The stars were miraculous.

I wished so much I could be something other than human. The daisies from the field, always happy and dancing. Swaying. Being beautiful. Being admired. People would pick you; take you away just because you were pretty. Because they liked you. Part of me longed for someone to love me enough to be selfish like that for me.

I wished so much I could be something other than human. The stars in the night sky. People looked up at you, entrusted you with their deepest secrets and wishes. They saw you every night without fail. Even if you were a million years late… you'd always be there. Someone would be there, dependent on your light.

But this is just wistful thinking on my part.

"Italia?" I thought I heard someone call me.

Who would be at my house at this hour—spotting me outside in the darkness nonetheless? Thinking it was all in my head, I ignored the voice and continued to stare at the stars. The blades of grass hugged my elbows as my hands were folded across my stomach.

"Italy, why are you crying?" the voice was softer.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I reached my fingers up to my cheeks, coming back wet. Finally looking up, I saw it was Japan whom was kneeling next to me.

"Ve~ I didn't know I was!" I smiled and brushed the tears away. "What are you doing here, Japan?"

"You've been acting a bit odd these last few weeks…" he seemed to ignore my question.

"Me? Odd?" I let a little laugh bubble up through my body.

"You _were_ just crying," he pointed out.

"Oh… I didn't know I was though," I brushed my hair out of my eyes and continued smiling.

Japan reluctantly lied down next to me, probably because the action wasn't very dignified. He settled himself in the most respectful way possible for lying outside in the grass, and turned a dark brown eye my way.

"If you'd like to talk, I'm here," he stated simply.

It was times like this I really admired him. He always knew exactly what to say, how to say it, what to do, and on top of that, he was always there when I needed him. Honestly, did he have some super-power?

"Well…" I started, "It's just that Germany's found this girl… She's really pretty. They seemed really interested in each other—heck they even _looked_ good together. And now they have a date tomorrow…"

"Do you have feelings for Germany, Italy?" Japan asked cautiously.

I averted my eyes as a pink color ran across my face, "Yes…" I said quietly. "I know they're going to hit it off… I mean she's so pretty and Germany's so…"

I trailed off, knowing I made my point. I sat up and hugged my knees.

"He even invited me to a double-date with him… He's so stupid…" I gave a light laugh before continuing, "But you probably think I'm strange for falling in love with him… I mean it's impossible."

"You'd never know," Japan said calmly, "Maybe he doesn't like this girl. Who says it's going to work out?"

A smile lifted onto my cheeks.

_That's a nice dream. I've had it many times…_

We lied there for what seemed like forever. We must have fallen asleep on accident because the next thing I remembered was waking to the sun peeking up from behind a mountain in the distance. I rolled over sluggishly and saw Japan was still next to me. I fought the urge to laugh when I saw he drooled a little. Just imagine: Japan, the dignified country, _drooling_.

"Japan, I think we fell asleep," I shook his shoulder.

Japan opened his eyes slowly, taking in his surroundings.

"Do you want to do something today Japan?" I asked once it seemed he was fully awake.

Japan nodded respectfully and we both got up.

We got dressed and went to town. We had no idea what to do or where to go, but we were both so darn bored we just decided to wander around until something found us.

Mindless chatter kept us busy for the time we walked. It had been a while since I went anywhere with Japan. It almost kept my mind off of my depression. I forgot what it was like to have a true friend. Someone who's always there for you.

We went into many stores. In some we would just look, other times we would buy things. We went into a costume store once and I made Japan try on a rock star costume. It was so hilarious to watch him get all flustered and reject it before I forced the sunglasses on him and he tried the rest on. I wanted to take a picture but he gave me the death glare… Oh well, I have my memory!

I didn't realize how late it was getting. We stopped at a small pizza shop and both ate some, although Japan did try to convince me to go to a Japanese Steakhouse a while down the street. After that we got gelato. I swear it was the best day I'd had in a long time. Too long.

We were cracking jokes as we walked past all the rest of the restaurants, Japan elbowing me when we passed the Japanese Steakhouse. I only laughed. Japan seemed to be at ease. I had never seen him act like this. Normally all his answers were a polite "Yes" or "No" and he would stand up straight and all that junk. It was refreshing to see him act like we were friends.

I saw Japan's gaze move towards one of the restaurants and lingered there (did his eyes widen?) as his pace slowed. Noticing, I slowed down as well.

"What?" I asked, still smiling as I followed his gaze.

My smile twisted downwards and my eyes widened. We looked through the window to one of the restaurants. Germany sat in a booth with Tabitha. He smiled softly and his eyes looked gentle. I've seen that look so many times— I just never dreamed I'd see it on Germany. It made his features so much more beautiful.

"I-I think we should go…" Japan said quietly, pulling my elbow, but I wouldn't budge. His words hardly registered in my mind.

They were sitting on the same side of the booth. Both smiling brightly. He pushed a piece of brown hair behind her ear and his lips moved. She seemed to blush. Her eyes looked away and she mouthed a single word before looking back at him expectantly.

But the next image that computed in the back of my head forced me to run, almost forgetting Japan whom had been so polite to come along on this trip with me.

I just wanted to leave. I wanted to run. I wanted to escape. I would do anything to get rid of the pain in my chest. My heart hurt from both the restaurant and from running. I tripped over my own two feet and fell to the ground. I coughed from my dry throat. My bottom lip quivered but I forced the tears back in.

I hated crying. I _always_ cried. I can man up for once in my miserable life.

But seeing Germany kiss that girl made my heart fall into a bottomless hole to be devoured by the cruelest thing in the world: _fate_.

* * *

_**Haven't I been writing a lot lately? Thank you tons for reading and reviewing! It makes me smile no matter if it's an elaborate review or a simple "good job." ^.^**_


	11. Violet Paint

_**Italy's Point of View**_

"Italy…" I heard a soft voice behind me.

I panted heavily and my heart was burning.

From running or from Germany?

I didn't respond, only sitting on my knees rather than holding my weight up with my scrawny arms. Maybe Germany didn't like me because I was weak? He was always yelling at me to train harder… I only pretend I can't do the laps or push-ups because Germany always helped me up when I "fell."

I loved how his hand felt wrapped around my arm…

I felt Japan help me back to my feet, glancing at my face, probably checking if I was crying. I don't think I was…

He walked me back to my house. We didn't speak the entire time. The silence gripped my neck and wrung me dry. It killed me. If I thought I hated silence before I was such a child. I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream.

_Scream_.

But I didn't want to attract attention. I didn't want to hurt Japan's ears. He'd only been kind to me. And I had evil thoughts. Of course Germany wouldn't like such an idiot like me. A nuisance like me.

We couldn't have gotten home soon enough. When I took the first step inside relief spread through me. I've never liked the public eye. Japan had asked if I wanted him to stay the night but I declined his offer. I couldn't help my eyes that glued themselves to him until he walked out of the door.

_Finally_.

I ran to my art room and quickly uncovered a canvas. I took out paints and messily dipped my fingertips in them. The temperature didn't register in my mind before I slammed my fist into the cloth.

Again and again and again. I couldn't stop myself from slamming the paint onto the fabric.

I painted in patterns and then in sloppy movements. Orderly then cracked. Insane.

I finally willed myself to scream and threw a plastic container of red acrylic paint at the innocent canvas. The liquid slithered down the side in three columns before it dripped onto the plastic cover on the ground. _Drip_.

I fell to my knees on the ground and gripped my hair, tainting it different colors.

Red. Blue. Black. Green. White.

My fingers walked down my cheeks and painted them as well as I looked up at my painting. I clenched my teeth as anger pulsed through every vein in my body. As disappointment slapped me in the face. Again and again. As weakness mocked me. As failure whispered in my right ear.

I hate it.

I hate it.

I hate it.

I freaking _hate_ it.

To think the renaissance started with me. I've failed you _once again_. But then again, when don't I fail you?

I put my palm to my nose, to my cheek. I drenched my face in violet paint. Violent paint.

Does he really mean so much to me that I'm losing all of my sanity over him?

I hate it.

I hate _you_.

I hate me.

I hate everything.

Forget love, that doesn't exist. I've only mistaken it for the real emotion: _Hatred_.

I slammed my head into the wood flooring. Again again again again again again again _again_.

I threw my paints around the room. I hate painting.

I'm a terrible artist.

And it was at that time fatigue won over and drugged me. My eyes closed shut with unshed tears staining through the violet paint.

* * *

It took a lot of force to open my eyes the next day. Paint glued my eyelids down to my face.

I finally looked down at myself and saw what a mess I was. My hair was clumped together and messed up.

My curl was frayed and flattened.

My shirt was hard to take off and was completely destroyed by the time I peeled it from my frail body.

I walked to the mirror and flinched at the sight. Picking at the paint caked onto my face, I tried to get it off. The paint in my hair wasn't any better. My arms were nearly covered up to my elbows and splatters on my shoulders and upper arms. My legs weren't great either.

I didn't bother to clean myself, reasoning that I wasn't going to leave the house.

I decided to just grab some fruit for breakfast and after that I just laid on the floor of my dining room next to the scratches and gashes made from Germany's bowl of pasta. I ran my hand over the marks and hummed mindlessly to myself. I hate Germany.

I was surprised when I heard my doorbell ring.

I chose to ignore it. Whoever was at that dang door can just leave. I don't want to talk to people. I hate people.

It rang again.

It rang again.

It was really irritating me.

I sat up sloppily and glared at the door. It had been repaired since Germany's last visit. Another reason I hate Germany: he breaks my stuff.

I swung the door open and scowled at the person whom was there. I yelled: "What the heck do you want, Germany?!"

* * *

**_Germany's Point of View_**

I rang the doorbell. Italy should be back from Romano by now right? I even asked Japan. He acted a bit confused but admitted he saw Italy home.

I stood outside and waited. _Hmm... That's strange. It doesn't normally take him this long to answer the door._ I rang the doorbell again. _Maybe he's just sleeping? He's not a grouchy riser so it'll be fine._

After a while of continuously ringing the infernal chime, someone answered the door. It… was Italy? I think…

"What the heck do you want, Germany?!" he yelled at me.

Nope. Definitely not Italy. Was it? He looked similar… And didn't call me "Potato Lover" so it wasn't Romano. He didn't call me Ludwig so it wasn't a human…

"Ah… Yes… Is Italy here?" I chose to use his country name

The colorful man didn't respond. Only giving me a look that I recognized as _Are you stupid or something?_

"Nope. Not here. You know, unless you wanted to call me Italy," he leaned forward and whispered to me: "Which by the way I am, idiot."

This was Italy? Being rude and sarcastic?

"Oh… Sorry…" I mumbled. "So, what happened with…" I trailed off, gesturing to his apparel.

"Oh nothing, I just decided to paint myself because I knew you were coming! Is it any of your business? No."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his attitude. _What had I done to him?_ I picked at the violet paint on his cheek before he slapped it away. Honestly, he could have been Romano. The two aren't as different as they seem.

"Bye," he said curtly and slammed the door before I caught it in my hand. He only looked that more irritated.

"Are you going to invite me in?" I asked.

"No," and he tried to close the door again, but I stopped it. Again.

"Why not? What did I do?"

I felt slightly disturbed when he laughed. It wasn't a giggle or a humorous laugh, but a dark chuckle.

"What didn't you do? I did tell you I'm not all," his voice changed and I winced at his new happy tone, "Ve~ _Happy_~!" his expression eerily darkened again. "I. Hate. You. Remember you're the one that told me not to fake anything around you anymore. You don't like _Lies_."

And this time he successfully slammed the door in my face, leaving me with my mind running wild like a child on a playground. Leaving me staring at my fingertips, smudged with violet paint.

* * *

_**ANOTHER chapter?! Aren't I feeling inspired lately? Anyways I really liked writing this chapter :3 Seemed like Italy snapped in half now right? I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing! I write to be read~**_


	12. How Did You Die, Holy Rome?

"_I should never be left alone with my mind for too long."_

_-Libba Bray_

**_Italy's Point of View_**

The moment the door closed I felt my heart flip and my stomach churn. Regret clawed at me viciously. Ferociously. My soul was bleeding with all that was guilt. What had I done? What kind of monster have I become? Hate? Yeah, sure I hate some things… But to hate a person is a sin. To be so corrupt… What kind of person am I? Inhumane is the only word that describes me now.

"I don't hate you… I could never hate you…" I whispered to him. "I don't… You believe me don't you?"

_Believe you? After you just tried to shut the door on me three times? After you didn't allow me into your home? We're still _best_ friends. I _totally_ believe you._

"But, I mean it Germany… I don't…" I pleaded.

_Of course! I really believe you. I do._

"Forgive me! I'm…" I fell to my knees on the scratches made by his bowl, "I'm… A monster I know… But forgive me… I'm selfish I know… But forgive me… Please…"

_Why would I ever forgive you? Just like you said: You're selfish._

"But I—I'm so sorry!"

_You're a monster. I will never forgive you._

"You used—you used to forgive me!" I choked out.

_That's when you smiled. Sure, I told you not to smile around me, but I hate the real you inside. I love the Lies better. No one would like the real you._

"Stop it!" I screamed at no one.

No one at all.

_You're so annoying. Attention seeker. I kissed that girl just to get on your nerves. Because I hate you that much._

"Germany, stop!" I clawed at my ears.

_I know you've been in love with me. I've always known. But I just love to watch you suffer. I won't love you back. No one will love you._

My ears started to bleed. I picked at the insides, the outsides. I nearly ripped them off. Anything to shut up Germany.

He finally stopped.

I thought I would be relieved when he stopped, but it only made it worse. Every syllable ran through my head. My heart if I still had one. All I wanted right now was to die.

Die.

Die.

Suicide.

But countries can't die…

_But Holy Rome did… _

My eyes jolted open. Holy Rome died. That means...

_How did you die, Holy Rome?_

I could only think of one country that might know anything about any of this, and that was China. He was oldest wasn't he? He must know something.

He must know something. Something! It has to be possible! I can't just keep living with this guilt! This fake self… This remorse. This unrequited love. This… Horror.

I walked over to my cell phone and flipped it open, fumbling with the buttons, but eventually the right numbers appeared. I clicked the call button.

Ring.

Ring. Ring.

_Answer already…_

Ring.

"Hello?" I heard his sweet voice. And I'd never been so happy to hear it.

"China!" I said happily, even grinning in real life.

"Italy! What's brought you to call me?"

"Oh I…" I tried to quickly think of something. Then it hit me. "Germany gave me some homework! I wanted you to help me with it!"

"Italy, I'm a bit busy. I can't come over right now."

"No, no, it's just one question," I said quickly.

"Oh, if that's the case, I guess I could help."

"Yay~" I sang. "Well, Germany told me to do some research and find out if it was possible for a country to die. Y'know like suicide? Totally random... I figured since you were the oldest, you would know best!"

"Are you sure he asked that, Italy?" his voice dripped with doubt, "Countries are immortal."

"Ve~ He did," I fidgeted nervously, "Holy Roman Empire died… So he told me to figure out how."

"Oh, I see. That's a bit different," his tone changed, "You see, it's actually is possible for a country to die if their army is defeated in war, and their land is conquered."

"So… Only being defeated in war will kill a country?" I asked as I tried to hide the disappointment biting on the tip of my tongue.

"Yeah," China said. Though after a moment, he added: "Actually… Now that I think about it there may be another way."

"What's that?" I asked almost too quickly.

"Well, technically speaking, if a country was to cut out their own heart or other vital organ, and put it apart from their body, their body couldn't heal itself."

I carefully thought over the new information. How could I ever accomplish such a feat? Once I cut out my heart won't it be hard to put it somewhere else? Maybe a box of some sort… Or maybe throw it in the ocean as I stay on shore? I could even ask someone to do it for me… Probably Russia. He seems the most heartless. No pun intended…

"Italy?" I heard the voice on the other line.

"Yes?" I replied.

"I asked if that was all you needed."

"Oh, yes! Thank you so much!" I tried my best to sound happy like those other times.

I heard the phone disconnect and didn't bother closing my phone as I ran back to my bedroom. The paint covering my body made it hard for me to move as quickly as I wished, but I didn't care so much. No need to wash the paint off either. Why clean what will soon be dead?

* * *

**_Narrator Point of View_**

China hung up the phone from his desk. His paperwork lay forgotten on the desktop as he started to think about the call he'd just received.

_That was a strange call… Since when did Germany assign homework?_ He wondered. _Wait… Did I just help Italy cheat on his homework?!_

China almost face-palmed. How could he be so dumb? All these thousand years of being so ethical… He was just so hypocritical to all the teachings he tried so hard to engrave in all the hearts of his Chinese citizens!

Why was he even fretting so much over this little thing? Though he knew it wasn't that big of a deal, part of him just kept prodding at his curiosity. It grew ever so big.

Eventually, China picked up his phone again, dialing a number. He heard the ringing in the background and patiently waited for someone to pick up.

Finally the receiver answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Ah Germany," China said, "I was just wondering something. I helped Italy on the homework you gave him. That isn't cheating is it; was he supposed to do it on his own?"

_"Homework? What homework?"_

* * *

**_Mwahahaha... I'm really enjoying this more than I should. XD AND I'm writing TONSSSSSS Hope you like it! I think the concept of the chapter was okay but I think I failed in the writing portion. m(_ _)m Too much dialogue... Anyways, I hope it was okay for you guys! I write to be read~ Don't forget to review! ^.^_**

**_PS: The rating may change to T. I'm not sure where I'm going with this but it's just a warning._**


	13. Such a Marvelous View

***I wrote this listening to Hurting for a Very Hurtful Pain by Nico Nico Chorus. Look it up if you'd like! :D**

**BTW: This chapter will contain violence and blood. Be warned. I changed the rating to T just in case.**

_**Narrator Point of View**_

"Homework? What homework?" Germany's voice bubbled with confusion.

China's eyes widened and his face visibly paled. The past conversation ran through his head.

_Y'know, like suicide?_

"God, what have I done…" China said more to himself than to Germany.

_ Totally random._

"China, what's going on?" Germany's voice demanded after hearing regret conquer the other man's voice.

"Italy just called me," he started to explain, "He said you gave him homework. He asked how countries die, and at first I was confused because countries were immortal… And I… Oh my gosh…"

"I was just at Italy's house, too. He was acting very strangely…" Germany said.

"Go back," China said forcefully. "Hurry."

"What did you tell him?!" Germany yelled into the phone.

"I said the only way a country could die was if they cut out their heart!" China screamed louder before he added in a hushed voice: "He won't actually do it… Will he..?"

* * *

_**Germany's Point of View**_

I had just started walking away from Italy's home when I heard my cell phone ring. Checking the caller ID, I saw China was calling.

_Why would he be calling me..?_

Despite my confusion, I answered.

"Ah, Germany," China said, "I was just wondering something. I helped Italy on the homework you gave him. That isn't cheating is it; was he supposed to do it on his own?"

My bemusement only strengthened with each word that registered in my head. _Homework_? My eyebrows furrowed and I stopped walking. I switched the phone from my right to left ear.

"Homework? What homework?" I asked.

It was silent on the other line for a moment. I couldn't even hear faint breathing. This call in addition to how Italy was acting, and even his appearance—this whole thing was plain weird. Finally China broke the silence.

"God, what have I done…" he said quietly.

_What the heck is that supposed to mean?!_ I thought and frantically replied: "China, what's going on?"

"Italy just called me," he took a deep breath, "He said you gave him homework. He asked how countries die, and at first I was confused because countries were immortal… And I… Oh my gosh…"

_That's only half of an answer! _ I couldn't think at the moment. "I was just at Italy's house, too. He was acting very strangely…" I recalled aloud.

The words barely left my lips before China barked: "Go back," the most demanding I'd ever heard him. "Hurry." His voice was grim.

The three simple words made my heart beat faster. What's even going on?!

"What did you tell him?!" I yelled into the receiver.

"I said the only way a country could die was if they cut out their heart!" his voice matched mine—if not louder.

My eyes widened.

_He told him what?! _

I dropped the call without warning and quickly dialed another number.

_You've better not have done anything stupid… If you have I'll kill you…_

"Germany-san, why have you called?"

"Japan, it's an emergency. Hurry to Italy's house."

I didn't wait to hear his response; I shut my phone and kept running. I don't think I've ran so fast even in war. How did I even get this far away from his house? It felt like two seconds ago I was at his doorstep.

I tried to open the door but it was locked. Italy never locked his doors.

I banged a fist against the wood. "Italy, open this door!" I yelled, not receiving a response. "Don't make me break it down again!"

I shoved my knuckles into the wood two more times before the third chipped the wood.

_Screw this…_ I thought and kicked the door down.

Right when the door opened I nearly vomited. The place reeked. I don't remember it smelling like this when I visited only thirty minutes prior.

"Italy..?" I asked a bit quieter and wandered about the home.

Everything seemed in order as I walked past the kitchen, the living room even. I passed his art room and my eyes widened. The whole place had paint flung around. A single canvas was in the center. I stepped into the room cautiously, the paint still wet under my boots. Many containers of paint were broken and topped over.

I finally walked in front of the canvas, and what I saw shocked me. It wasn't anything like all the other paintings he's ever showed me. Paint was flung violently at the fabric. Swirls of colors showed anger and depression. There were two figures in the center, doing what looked like a kiss, but their faces were twisted and the shadows were shades of reds and blues. Violet.

"I'm sorry," I heard a weak voice from another room.

_Italy._

"Italy, where are you?!" I screamed, kicking myself for forgetting my reason for coming.

"I tried. I really did," he continued to speak, but I had yet to find him.

"Italy!"

"I followed all of China's instructions, but it didn't work."

_What the heck is that supposed to mean?!_  
"Now that I think about it, it was just a theory."

"Italy, stop talking nonsense and tell me where you are!"

"You're just going to have to live with me. I'm sorry," he continued to ramble in an emotionless voice.

I finally found him in the guest bedroom, but I only wished I hadn't. The sight was horrid.

* * *

_**Japan's Point of View**_

After receiving Germany-san's phone call, skepticism crawled under my skin. First "Romano's Visit" and now this? Italy wasn't at Romano's he was out with me that day… And what do you mean emergency?

Sighing, I made my way to Italy's house. Honestly, the man worries way too much.

I found myself at his door—or where it would have been. It was then that I started to worry.

Walking over the door that now lay on the ground, my hand rushed up and held my nose. What died in here?

Everything seemed like it had on my last visit. The kitchen was the same. The living room was the same. His bedroom was clean and right. What was the big emergency?

"Germany-san, I'm here," I called out timidly.

"J-Japan," Germany stuttered.

_How unlike him._

"We're in the guest bedroom… Be careful coming in."

"Oh, Japan's here, too?" was that Italy's voice? He sounded so… strange.

I found my way to the guest bedroom and my eyes widened and the look of complete horror overtook my features. That's right, everyone take a picture. The stoic Japan was showing emotion.

More like using every ounce of strength not to run right then.

Italy was lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, surrounded by various bloodied knives. He was shirtless and many deep scars were planted over his chest before skin grotesquely grew back over them, leaving a line imprinted on his chest. Above where his heart would be.

He was resting in a sea of his own crimson liquid-self.

There were so many knives. Oh so many. Various sizes, different blades. It all ranged from butcher knives to pocket knives. Some were strewn far away from the body, a few stuck in the walls, most were surrounding him. He was still grasping one large kitchen knife in his right fist. His knuckles would have appeared white if not for the blood cascading over them.

He was covered in paint; most of it was violet, though it was now being soaked through to a deep scarlet. If you thought his hair was a reddish-brown then, you'd throw "brown" out the window now.

But the only thing I could think was just what had happened to Italy in the time I left him yesterday to now?

* * *

_**Italy's Point of View**_

Germany was the first one to visit me. I could tell he wanted to puke when he saw me. Did he hate me that much? I repulse everyone.

He took a shaking step towards me. Cautiously. Timidly. Before he knelt next to me.

"I-Italy, what have you done to yourself?" Germany asked in a shaking voice.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, "It was only a theory. I'm only disappointed it's not true."

"What are you talking about?" Germany demanded of me.

"China told me if I cut out my heart, I would die. So I did. But almost as quickly as I cut the vein it would reconnect itself," I explained, "I'm sorry I've failed. You're going to have to live with me."

"The only thing you should be sorry for is putting yourself through this! I would be devastated if you killed yourself!" Germany's voice dripped with venomous anger. He was angry at me. He hated me.

"You're only saying that. You don't have to pretend anymore."

"I'm saying this because it's true! No one would like it if you just left us like this!" but his words hardly registered in my head.

"Maybe if you did it, it would work," I put the blade in his palm. The palm that used to hold a key, but that key was lost now.

Germany looked disgusted as he threw the knife across the room.

"I will _never_ do such a thing!" he yelled, but it came out more like a hoarse whisper.

"Germany-san, I'm here," ah, so Japan will come, too?

"J-Japan, we're in the guest bedroom… Be careful coming in."

"Oh, Japan's here?" I asked in a voice too playful for the situation we were placed in.

It wasn't long before I saw his silhouette nearing the door. I saw his plain face twist into an aghast expression and almost felt sorry.

But then I remembered that no one cared anyways and just lay still, letting him take in the marvelous view.

* * *

**_Yeah, I think I've gone insane... XDD Anyways I hope you liked the chapter! I feel like I'm uploading nearly every day now and that's too much . Maybe the rush shows in my writing but I don't mean for it to. ;-; This chapter is a little long. (I normally write around 1k every chapter and this one made it to 1,600) I feel annoyed for the "What died in here" is reiterated from my "The Real Truth" story... Unoriginal me is unoriginal. I also threw in the Japan's Point of View because I felt like it. :3 And now I'm probably rambling so BYEEEEEE Hope you liked this chapter!_**


	14. Silence

_**Anyone up for more violence? I know I am~**_

_**Italy's Point of View**_

Japan stood in that doorway forever and ever and ever and ever. His facial expression never ever ever changed. He never ever ever moved. Neither did Germany. Do I really have to be the one to initiate conversation and explain? I thought they'd be more curious than this.

_Who are you to be so arrogant? You think they care about you?_

_ No one would be curious! No one cares!_

"I'll spare you your breath," I finally said in a breathy tone, staring up at the ceiling. "How did I get like this? Why did I do this? What drove me to do this? Not that you two care that much to ask the questions, but I just ask myself occasionally. I guess that answer is that I've finally gone insane. I'm done living and I don't want to be the country of North Italy anymore. I wanted to kill myself and get it done. Let _Fratello_ take over my half of the country. What wistful thinking on my part.

I've never felt human, not once— but then again, I'm not aren't I? In the beginning, my first love was stolen away by war, and I promised I'd never love again, but now I wonder was it even love in the first place? Is there even a such thing as love? And I realized it's nothing but a myth. At least for me it is. And any time I ever grew even _close_ to affectionate towards anyone else they were ripped from my grasps.

I feel cold. Like every day is the winter solstice. I feel broken. Like a clock with a missing clog. Every piece is in place. My country is doing "_well_". I have "_friends_" around. I'm "_happy_". Yet something is missing. I feel like I'm a mile underground inside the permafrost in Siberia. I feel stuck underground and I can't climb back up.

I smiled every day, or so you thought. I was happy every day, or so you thought. I laughed every day, or so you thought. Or so you thought I was anything but neglected. Or so you thought. Why you even assume such things, I'll never know—and I never _want_ to know for it will only deepen my pain that's already dug my halfway to the Earth's core.

And then it happened. Yes I thought I could finally stop faking all of this. I thought I could stop all the Lies so easily. All because I thought I found _love_," I abruptly laughed hysterically before continuing in a shout: "How _foolish_ I was!"

The two men were still frozen in their places, but their faces were filled with both confusion and utter terror. Pausing for a moment, I saw they weren't going to comment—why would they? They hate me! – And I decided to continue my rant.

"I thought I'd fallen for my mentor, but I know now that it's all just a sick joke. A trick played on me by fate. That myth that a red string is tied from your pinky to your soul-mate's is true enough only that I don't _have_ one! Italy: One of the romance countries doesn't have a lover. Isn't that pathetic?

Well we're catching up to the present. Let's start with—was it only yesterday? Japan and I decided to go out for a little because we were both so bored and tired of doing absolutely nothing. And yes: I never went to Romano's place. That was a lie. Like I was going to go on some stupid date with you, watch you get fawned over by this girl I hardly know while I'm still in love with you."

I saw Germany react at this comment, but both men had yet to make a sound. Finding their silence as a plea for more information, I continued.

"Japan and I went out shopping for the entire day, and the time flew by so quickly. I had fun for once in I don't know _how_ long. I was genuinely smiling for once in I don't know _how_ long. I was happy. For once in I don't know how long. But that too was cremated in front of my own two eyes as we passed the God forsaken restaurants.

Yes, the same night you were out with your girlfriend. And yes, I saw you kiss her."

My voice finally quieted down a bit at the last sentence and this time I saw Germany completely sit up with the look of complete confusion. Japan, too, looked bemused. I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was speaking some language you guys didn't know. What language don't you know? Belarusian maybe?

"Honestly, what the heck are you talking about?" Germany was the first to speak up to me. "I never kissed Tabitha."

"Italy, I have to side with Germany-san… You just took off running when you saw him. He didn't do anything with the girl," Japan finally shook out of his daze at Germany's voice.

"W-what? Yes… You did… I _saw_ you," my voice shook.

"Italy, I broke it off with her yesterday. I honestly only agreed to go because I didn't want to be rude."

"You're lying," I shook my head, speaking more to myself than to him.

"Italy, nothing's happening between us," Germany reiterated.

"I didn't see him do anything yesterday, either, Italy," Japan took his side.

They're traitors… They're all _traitors_! They're all _liars_! I thought Japan would at least be my friend but he's—but he's taking up with that _blasphemous_ lie! I saw him. I _saw_ him kiss that stupid girl and it made me sick. Now he's just covering it up_. He's lying I know he is!_

"Stop lying to me! Stop it! I know you're lying to me!" I started to scream as I clapped my hands over my ears.

"Italy, we're not lying to you!" Germany tried to convince me. But I saw through his lie.

"Shut up! No! You kissed her! You love her! You hate me! You're leaving me for her!" I started to scream louder. Louder. Louder. Clawing at my ears with my foul fingernails.

"Stop! Italy, you're hurting yourself!" Germany tried to pry my hands away, but even his strength was no match for insanity.

I turned away from Germany, feeling an uneasy feeling in my chest and my blood start to move around my heart again. I tried to move away from him and continued to scratch my ears. I have to block them out. I hate Lies. No one can lie to me. _NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO LIE TO ME!_

Then all faded away.

I heard.

Nothing at all.

Blinking, I removed my hands from my ears, my hands now crimson and holding pieces of I don't know what. I don't want to find out. I turned over to meet the other people in the room, once again blinking. When had it gotten so quiet?

I saw lips moving, forming words. I saw Germany's throat shake with each breath and vibrate with each word. I saw concern in his eyes and I felt his arms grab my shoulders, shaking me, mouthing more words. I blinked. Stop mouthing things and say _actual_ words!

I touched my—ears? Where were my ears?

The pads of my fingers glided over the sides of my head. It ran over the fuzz of my hair, the smooth of my skin, the clumps of paint—then over something hot. Wet. Sticky. Bumpy.

But no matter where I touched I could not find my ears.

And this silence was really getting on my nerves.

* * *

**_Mwahahaha... Italy's finally lost it huh? So have I, I think... Did you like this chapter? YAY FOR WRITING AT 3:33 AM~! I got random inspiration... Don't forget to review!_**


	15. Bumps on the Road

_***The song Crime and Punishment by Amatsuki is heavenly for this chapter~ If you'd rather listen to it in English, listen to Joydreamer's version.***_

_**Once again there will be graphicness so be warned!**_

_**Germany's Point of View**_

"Well, we're catching up to the present. Let's start with—was it only yesterday? Japan and I decided to go out for a little because we were both so bored and tired of doing absolutely nothing. And yes: I never went to Romano's place. That was a lie. Like I was going on some stupid date with you, watch you get fawned over by this girl I hardly know while I'm still in love with you."

My eyes widened at his last statement and it replayed in my mind. I don't know if he paused or if I just didn't hear him speak anymore.

_While I'm still in love with you._

_ I'm still in love with you._

_ I'm in love with you._

The phrase narrowed down and down before I finally heard his voice fade in again.

"…once in I don't know _how_ long. I was genuinely smiling for once in I don't know _how_ long. I was happy. For once in I don't know how long. But that too was cremated in front of my own two eyes as we passed the God forsaken restaurants.

Yes, the same night you were out with your girlfriend. And yes, I saw you kiss her."

…

..

.

Whoa, whoa, whoa… Back it up now…

I did _what_?!

I sat up straight at this point and tried to look into Italy's eyes but they were glazed over and vacant. His sweet, honey-comb eyes were now the epiphany of insanity. It seemed like he was a broken record, just playing back his memories. It looked like he was going to continue droning on and on and on but I interrupted him.

"Honestly, what the heck are you talking about?" I said with confusion wringing my throat. "I never kissed Tabitha."

"Italy, I have to side with Germany-san… You just took off running when you saw him. He didn't do anything with the girl," Japan spoke up as well. I almost forgot he was in the room.

Italy finally reacted with emotion. His eyes widened and brows furrowed together. He started to shake his head slightly.

"W-what? Yes… You did… I _saw_ you," his voice was wavering. Was it fear in his voice? Or was it the insanity that I was growing ever too familiar with?

"Italy, I broke it off with her yesterday. I honestly only agreed to go because I didn't want to be rude," I tried to coax him but it seemed only to make him worse.

"You're lying."

Slowly. Slowly his shaking of the head sped up. Quickly. Quickly it violently swiped from side to side, his eyes screwed shut as if he didn't want to look at us let alone hear us. And what desperate measures he would go to not to hear us.

"Italy, nothing's happening between us," I tried to repeat. Where had he even gotten the ludicrous idea anyways? I've always been in love with _him_!

"I didn't see him do anything yesterday, either, Italy," Japan was closer to me now, kneeling by Italy.

All was still for a moment, and I thought perhaps he believed us. But another part—a larger part had a foreboding feeling lingering inside. It warned me. It told me to restrain him. But from what? He was perfectly fine. He was quiet. He was taking in our words.

"Stop lying to me! Stop it! I know you're lying to me!" his voice shouted. His voice screeched and cracked at the end of his last word. His hands clapped over his ears and he turned away from us.

"Italy, we're not lying to you!" I tried frantically to calm him down, but at the moment, I was too scared to touch his bloodied body. His frail body in case it would break in half.

"Shut up! No! You kissed her! You love her! You hate me! You're leaving me for her!"

He started to crawl away from me and I felt my heart drop. Was he really that afraid of me? Did he hate me or something? I understand he's half my size but he doesn't have to fear me like everyone else… That's one of the things I loved about him…

It was then I realized he was actually moving in his human ball. Mostly his arms. His hands moved ferociously over his ears.

_What's he doing...?_

And then my eyes widened in panic as I saw blood falling down his palms, with pieces of flesh falling down in the streams.

"Stop! Italy, you're hurting yourself!" I gripped his arms but he was a lot stronger than he looked. "Italy, stop this!"

I felt a strange mixture of disgust and fear as the blood from his head emptied onto my wrists and forearm as I tried to pry his hands away.

Then he stopped.

He just stopped.

"Italy..?" I asked as I tried to look at his face.

It frightened me. It was abnormal. So _eerie_.

His face was plain. He blinked slowly, glancing around room. He looked like a child that had just woken up from their first slumber. A fish that had just got put into a new tank. The new kid in school, having no idea what to do, where he was, what was happening. Confused on what was happening.

"Italy, are you okay..?" I asked, too unsettled to touch him at the moment.

He slowly sat up and glanced around at us. He sat up and just looked at us. That's all he did. He didn't speak.

"Italy… your ears…" Japan said, his voice held disgust as his eyes darted pointedly towards the blood and pieces of flesh and back at him

Italy didn't notice this though.

"Italy, can you hear me?" I asked timidly.

I earned no response.

"Italy, listen to me." I said louder, but again the boy only looked at me blankly. As if I was a stranger.

"Italy can you hear me?!" I screamed louder.

Again the poor boy only tilted his head as his eyebrows pushed together in confusion.

Panicking, I grabbed his shoulders and his eyes widened in shock. I looked directly into his eyes and shouted: "_Feliciano! Answer me!"_ But again the boy showed no response. I resorted to shaking him as I shouted the phrase once more.

Bemusement never left his face.

His scarlet palms lifted to his head, brushing over his head. They scanned over once before the puzzled expression deepened and ran his hand over again. His eyes widened, and his hands rubbed the sides of his head, panic taking over the confusion.

He started to hit the sides of his head where his ears used to be and at that point I grabbed his wrists.

"Where?" he whispered in a strange voice, "Where are they? Where are my ears?"

He looked up at me with tear-stained cheeks, asking the question over and over.

_Where_? He asked.

_Where did they go_? He beseeched.

_Why are you so quiet_? He questioned.

_Why can't I hear even myself_? His tears fell into his lips as he opened his mouth to scream.

"_I CAN'T HEAR! WHY CAN'T I HEAR?!_" he shouted louder and louder, as if he could hear if he spoke louder. And I could do nothing but let him. "_GERMANY WHY CAN'T I HEAR YOU?! WHY CAN'T I HEAR ME?! LUDWIG HELP ME!"_

His voice was cracked and his words sounded mixed up. He sounded garbled. Distorted from not being able to hear himself.

Knowing I couldn't talk to him anymore, I settled for rubbing his hair instead of words. I brushed clumps of paint away. I brushed it through with my fingertips. I'm not sure how long we stayed like that. Him sobbing in my arms broke my heart. He had stopped screaming and fell into his own thoughts. What I would give to be one of America's super heroes that could read minds…

I eventually picked up the boy. Carrying him through the house.

"Where are we going?" he asked quietly.

I paused, digging through my pocket. Taking out my cellphone, I went into my text messages and typed in a message.

_Bathroom. I want to clean you._

And I showed him the screen. He didn't respond other than closing his eyes and leaning into my chest.

When we got to his bathroom, I peeled his pants off since he was already shirtless. I didn't exactly feel embarrassed since modesty flew out the window when he started coming to sleep with me naked.

I took out my cellphone again, typing a message, then turning the water nob. I put his palm under it and then showed him the screen.

_Too hot? Too cold?_

"Okay," he replied quietly in a distorted voice.

I helped him into the tub and scrubbed the dried blood and paint away. The water got really nasty by the end so I drained it and put fresh water in.

I poured shampoo onto his locks and scrubbed out everything gently. When it rinsed away I could see the auburn shine that I loved so much. It was then I realized that skin was already growing back over his head where his ears would be. Was he going to be deaf forever? Italy still looked slightly dazed as he stared mindlessly into the soapy water of the tub.

Grabbing my phone again, I typed_: Be right back_. _Yell if you need me._ and showed him.

I ran quickly to his bedroom and grabbed his laptop, running back to the bathroom. I turned it on and opened _Microsoft Word_, turning the letter size up so he could read it from his distance.

_ I can type better this way_. I typed_, I thought we could talk._

"Sorry," he whispered.

_ Sorry for what? You've done nothing wrong._ I responded on the screen.

"I'm stupid. I hurt you and Japan. I hurt myself—both physically and mentally now. You probably hate me. So does Japan. I've hallucinated and saw something that wasn't real out of fear. I'm obviously insane… No one likes the mentally unstable."

I couldn't help but shake my head vigorously during his little spiel.

_You're wrong! I could never hate you. Neither could Japan. You're my best friend and nothing could_—I stopped typing.

_"…While I'm still in love with you."_

"Could what?" Italy asked_._

_ Change that for the worse. _I ended up finishing. Something could obviously change friends into something more but I wasn't quite sure I was ready to admit anything yet…

Japan's voice resounded from another room: "Germany, I'm going to go home now."

"Okay!" I yelled and transferred his message to the computer.

_Japan just said he's leaving. I replied "Okay."_

"Ludwig, where does this put us?" Italy asked with more curiosity than sadness—though sadness was definitely evident in his twisted voice.

_Where do you want us to be?_ I typed out.

Italy was quiet for a moment.

"I want you to call me Feliciano. I don't want to be Italy."

_What's wrong with being Italy? I can call you Feliciano, but you know you'll always still be Italy._

"I don't want to be Italy," he repeated nearly emotionlessly. "I want to be Feliciano."

_I think you're a great country._ Was the only thing I could think to type.

"I don't," he replied.

_Your country is thriving. You're doing so well, Feli._

He smiled when he saw I said Feli. "Am I?" he asked.

_ You are. You're so strong. Everyone has bumps on the road but you just have to know that when you trip over one, you need to stand back up and keep walking._

"What if I'm the bump?" he asked, "What if I'm the bump on your road?"

_You're not any trouble of a bump, Felicano Vargas. The only thing I've fallen from because of you is_—I stopped typing again.

"So I _am_ a bump?" he stated more than asked. "I'm a trouble to you. I'm the bump of annoyance aren't..." his voice faded as he read the last word on the screen I had just typed.

Pink tainted my cheeks and I tried to look away but I couldn't help myself from staring into his amber eyes for an answer.

"Me, too," he whispered hoarsely. "The only thing I've fallen from because of you is love."

* * *

**_Aweee back to the fluff~ Welp I hope you enjoyed! We've crawled out of the cave of insanity now... (As far as you know... Mwahahaha...)_**

**_And holy CRAPPPPP I got SO many nice reviews from last chapter I nearly cried of happiness ;-; _**

**_I would like to thank EVERYONE for reviewing! Though one guest review really made my day ^.^ Since Guest reviews don't show up on the page, I'll show it here :3_**

**_Guest :Gaaaaah! Why you do this to me? Rip out my heart and stomp on it why don't_**  
**_cha? This by far is the best GerIta fic I've read in a while. Author, I love_**  
**_you! *glomps* Now, I'll go cry in my emo corner and wait for another update._**  
**_Damned feels._**

**_Come out of your emo corner: the update is here!_**

**_EEP THANK YOU! Also YourLuckyWish , 6NekoBunnychan9 , invisblelisping , Boom Box Guy , Stomei97 , Limphidora and TONSTONS More (I can't say everyone, so sorry if I forgot you... m(_ _)m ) gave me amazing reviews =w,= _**

**_Though, it's not only those specifically mentioned, it's EVERYONE who's reviewed, followed, and favorited. I can't really express how much each and every one means to me. Thank you SO much. I had no idea this would get so popular. (Even if it's not the most popular, it's popular to me okay?!) You all inspire me to write!_**

**_*Wipes brow* PHEW this is getting long._**

**_PS: I. HAVE. FOURTY-NINE REVIEWSSSSSSSS HOLY CRAAAPPPP~! Number fifty shall be mentioned at the beginning of next chapter ^.^ First to review wins! Haha XD _**

**_Okay now I'm really done with this super long Author's Note..._**


	16. Creatures from Neverland

**_My 50th reviewer was Limphidora =w= Thanks for reading and reviewing to everyone!_**

**_Soundtrack for this chapter: Fiction by B2ST (Piano Version BY Seul Gi. /watch?v=wgetDZJ58IQ )  
_**

~_Narrator's Point of View~_

"Me, too," Italy whispered hoarsely. "The only thing I've fallen from because of you is love."

A tear streamed down his cheek as he continued to stare blankly at the wall behind the laptop. Did he even notice it himself? He blinked slowly and his breaths were uneven. Short. Long. Short. Short. Short. Medium. Short. Long.

"But that's in the past," he continued abruptly with the same garbled speech. "I'm incompetent now. Feelings. Emotions. They're all foreign to me. I reach out slowly," his feeble hand raised up to his gaze, "to grasp them," his fingers curled, "But they're not there," his arm drooped back down, his honey glazed-over eyes hadn't moved a centimeter. "They're nonexistent. Like me."

_**You**_, the words typed slower than usual, _**are real… You exist**__._

"Are you caught under that illusion, too, Luddy?" his emotionless tone fazed into one of amusement. "Every day that passes I just feel as if I'm withering away. I feel like a rough rock in a river that's slowly being turned into a small pebble."

_** You're not wasting away in some river of insanity. **_Germany typed,_** And if in some way you are, the only thing weathering away is the abuse others have inflicted on you.**_

Italy looked at the screen, and Germany wondered if he'd even read the words. He was quiet. A silence that gripped his throat and strangled him. Germany prayed he would answer. Even if it weren't the one he wanted, he prayed. He prayed Italy had enough sense lodged in his head to answer. Answer.

"I wish that were true," he whispered at last. "I really do."

* * *

By now the water was drained from the tub, but the Italian sat in the capsule as if he would die if he got out—but perhaps that analogy is a bit off. If that were the case he would crawl out even if his legs had suffered the same fate as his ears.

_**Are you hungry?**_

"No."

The conversation was short lived. That was until the smaller of the two spoke up again.

"Do I look as bad as I feel?" he asked.

_**You look beautiful.**_ Were the words typed out on the dimly lit computer.

Italy didn't move, but his thoughts were a different story. _That stupid word… Thrown around so easily. It should be reserved for something with true beauty. Not me. Not this ugly human. _Beautiful_ was reserved for flowers. _Beautiful_ was reserved for women. _Beautiful_ was reserved for the kittens under the trees in Greece. "_Beautiful_ was reserved for you, Germany," something breathed behind his lips._

"You don't have to lie to me," was what he ended up saying. He spoke softly as he touched the fringe of his hair. "I probably look disgusting."

_**Don't say that about yourself. **_Germany looked a bit irritated as he typed the sentence.

"And why ever not?" Italy couldn't help but speak a bit louder, finally moving his gaze away from the wall and gazing into Germany's eyes.

Germany found his breath caught in his throat and his mind was blank for the first time in so long. What a liar his emotionless voice was when his eyes just screamed _"Please let me go. I don't know how to live anymore."_

Germany found himself walking up to the tub and knelt next to it. The ambers never left the sapphires as he took his large hand and placed it on the feeble boy's head. For a moment, he treated him as a pet. A precious endangered species and for a moment Italy felt any thought he had on death melt under the hand.

His eyelids drooped down as he whispered: "Ludwig… I'm sleepy." Yet the bigger man heard the silent pleas for the warmth of a bed.

Picking up his beloved, he cradled him and placed him in bed. The comforter engulfed him and Italy found himself smiling a weak smile. After all this time… He's been so set on that Germany hated him. That he hated Germany, yet why did he want to fall into his chest forever? Why couldn't he bear the feeling of the cold air that had taken the place of Germany's arms?

Germany couldn't help but gaze upon the lips that spun into such an unfamiliar shape. And for once, it seemed God was on his side. For his wish came true. He had lived to see the day the smile from the meadow repeated itself.

And he'd lived to see the day Italy fell asleep without a worry in the world.

* * *

_~Italy's Point of View~_

_ I'm drowning. I'm drowning but I can breathe. I'm underwater. I can't swim, but I'm running. I'm trying to find something. Something under the muddied water._

_ I feel so lost but so found at the same time. How contradictory could I get? I kept trying to move through the water but the seaweed grabbed my ankles and hindered each step I took. Yet they let go after I moved. _

_ Grab release._

_ Release grab._

_ Choke revive._

_ Steal return._

_ Trap._

_ They didn't let go this time. Tug tug tug._

_ Yank._

_ I felt myself sinking and struggled to stay in the comfort of the water. I clawed at the mud of the seafloor, but it passed through my fingers as easily as air. The seaweed pulled me deeper and deeper. Deeper._

_ Deeper._

_ "Stop it!" I shouted only to be welcomed by air on the other side._

_ I took a breath, but found I couldn't breathe. I lunged towards the beach and drank in the water. Breathing in the salty medicine. I tried to crawl further into the ocean._

_ "I will kill you," a raspy voice whispered to me. "There are oh so many ways to kill you. We'll have some fun."_

_ "D-Don't! Please!" I cried and I clawed at the sand of the shore, creeping back to the water. My hair clawed at my red cheeks and stung my forehead. _

_ "You've been begging for me all this time and now you push me away when I answer your plea?" A talon tapped my chin, forcing me to stare into the black holes he called eyes. "And here I was thinking I was being generous."_

_ "Let me go…" I whispered, "Please… I don't want to die anymore…"_

_ "You don't know what you want!" the creature screeched._

_ I winced at the amplitude of the scream and stumbled backwards. Then as if I was struck by lightning, I bolted for the sea. I yearned for the water._

_ My feet started bleeding and I could no longer run or walk. I cried out in pain as I fell to my knees and started to sink through the sand again. The sand burned me. I wanted nothing more than to find solitude in the waters. I reached out blindly as my head fell through the beach and it swallowed me._

_ "Welcome to Neverland," the creature sputtered in a laugh as I fell down._

_ I felt nothing and then everything went green. I was confused. I was expecting black. Isn't that what people always said? "Everything went black?" What a lie._

* * *

_I had writers block so this chapter might seem a little random or rushed or not as detailed or short or WHATEVER I still triiiiiied. Suggestions on later chapters are always welcome ^.^_

_I'm also going to try to start a normal updating schedule :3 Probably every Sunday. (Though if I haz writing urges I'll update at random times :3)_

_Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!_


	17. Delusional

_Soundtrack for this chapter: Too Beautiful by He is We_

_~Italy's Point of View~_

_ I flailed my arms violently, trying to swim in the air. Oh how I longed for the ocean. The waves. Solitude in the chilly waters. Everything was being ripped from my grasps. Claw marks adorned my wrists from the talons of death itself and I thrashed about. _

_ I clenched my fists when I felt_—bed sheets?

Was it only but a dream?

I glanced around the room and found Germany lying next to me with a book on his lap. He looked at me through reading glasses (slightly too small for his face) with a worried glint flickering in his blue eyes. His lips started to move and I stared at them. Trying to make out words from the shapes but nothing came to mind. They abruptly stopped moving as his eyebrows raised a little and he looked like he wanted to kick himself.

Oh.

It's not his fault he forgot I couldn't hear anymore.

He reached to the table beside the bed and wrote on the back of a document: _**Ita**_—he scratched it out—_**Feliciano, are you okay?**_

"I'm fine," I said. I wonder how my voice sounded. Did it sound the same? "Bad dream," I finished as I hugged my knees, blinking rapidly.

_**Want to talk about it?**_ The paper was shoved my way.

With a fierce shake of my head, Germany withdrew the paper. I didn't even know how to explain it if I wanted to. I was drowning above water, my only relief from the Mediterranean waves. Some creature was trying to kill me and drag me to "_Neverland_."

Which I didn't understand at all.

I've been trying to kill myself. All this time I have. Then when someone pries the knife from my fingers and holds it to my throat, I deny them the chance.

_**Is this okay?**_ A piece of paper was placed under my line of sight.

"Is what o—" my voice died when I felt Germany wrap his arms around my shoulders.

They were so warm.

So much warmer than the blankets under me.

"I-It is…" I mumbled as I nuzzled into his arm and leaned into him.

All the cold chills from my nightmare decimated and thinned out as they fell from every orifice in my body, being replaced with warmth only found in the sun. But I don't understand. Just… Just why does my heart feel like it's being squeezed? Why do I feel so warm when I'm with _him_ instead of the covers on the bed?

Why did I feel so sad when he pulled away?

Germany picked up the pen again and wrote on the same paper under the other lines.

_**I meant what I said earlier…**_ he wrote slowly as I peered over his shoulder. He glanced up at me and blushed when he saw me, and then his head flashed back to the paper. _**I really am**_—I saw him bite his lip as he hesitantly wrote the last four words—_**in love with you.**_

For a moment Germany's hand didn't move. His eyes flashed between mine and the paper a few times, but there was a question poking through my head. One of which I was curious of.

"What…" I started quietly, "What's love mean?"

And at the time, Germany made a few faces. Faces of confusion or thoughtful expressions. He picked up the pen a couple times but ended up setting it back down every time.

_What's love mean? What's love mean? What's love mean? What's love mean? What's love mean? _

_Germany, what does love mean?_

Yes, at that time Germany didn't respond to me, and I had no strength to think negatively of the silence. I had no thoughts sprinting through my head. Everything was still.

For some reason, I felt nothing. I felt no hatred or need to hurt. I felt no negative emotion that overwhelmed me all but a day ago. I didn't even feel the gentleness that I'd grown to love. I didn't feel anything. I simply looked around and took in my surroundings with vacant eyes.

I didn't yearn for death like I had a day prior.

I felt emptiness and nothing but emptiness coursing through my veins.

"Germany," I whispered and yet he heard me. "I don't… I don't want to die."

I clutched his arm to my body and I felt his other hand run through my hair. Such a simple gesture made my heart fly. I wonder… What it feels like to fly. I wish I could be reborn as a daisy, so my pedals could fly off in the autumn air during the next fall breeze. But fall is so far away.

"Germany," I whispered again and somehow I knew he was listening to me. "Can you make me pasta?"

I felt his head move above me, nodding as he reluctantly untangled himself from me. He glanced at me again before he exited the room. I heard his feet.

Walking.

Down.

Each.

Step.

And then the items in the kitchen started to clang as he got the pots and pans ready.

I blinked dazedly and walked over to the bookshelf. My fingertips felt each groove of the titles and I could almost read them without looking. My hand stopped at a book with a blue spine and I carried it back to my bed.

I flipped the former-tree open and glanced at the millions of words.

_A_

_D_

_J_

_K_

_L_

_Lacrosse_

_Liberate_

_Locate_

_Love_

My finger hovered over the word and I glanced down at the miniature paragraph under it. Such a small word to be described by so many larger ones. Was the word really so important?

_Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you're in love, you always want to be together, and when you're not, you're thinking about being together because you need that person, and without them, your life is incomplete._

What..? That's so… deep. So seemingly impossible. How could I possibly complete anyone's life? It's really touching… It is. But, is he delusional? To… _Love_ me? I know I've had my dose of that already.

And there is was. A feeling.

_Self-Loathing._

But answer me this: Is it better to feel hatred towards one's self than to feel nothing at all?

But just as soon as the words processed in my mind I felt a warm hand in mine. My eyes stretched forward as I glanced at Germany, motioning for me to come to the kitchen. The feeling left me and I felt it replaced with something better. Trading shadows for beams of light. Trading wasps for bumble-bees.

I let a smile lift onto my cheeks and I let out a light laugh.

Because honestly, if Germany is delusional, I must be too.

Because I think I'm falling in… _Love_..?

No. No. Delusional sounds more accurate.

My thoughts were misplaced as a bowl of pasta was set in front of me. I looked up and smiled again at the man whom had saved me from… What had I even tried to do? I hadn't the strength to remember anymore.

I twirled the fork around the thin lines of food and let it slip past my lips, saying "Thank you," with my mouth full as I dove back in for another bite.

* * *

**_Welcome to the end of chapter 17! I hope you're enjoying the story so far~ Welps I need to write or I go insane so I should update TWICE a weak maybe probably hopefully XD. Let's try Wednesday and Sunday shall we? Of course this is before school starts, so I have no idea what's going to happen in like three weeks sooooo_**

**_..._**

**_I HOPE YOU LIKED IT AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEWWWW~ I like to hear suggestions and improvements ^.^ (Even if I don't take the suggestions, for some reason it helps me write XDD)_**


	18. Hungary

_Soundtrack for this chapter: Turn it Off by Paramore_

_~Germany's Point of View~_

I had always seen Italy as weak. I always saw a frail child whom needed protection. Someone small. Still a child. But all those previous thoughts were thrown to the wind. He was not weak then. He was strong then. Strong enough to endure everything until now. Now. _Now_ he was weak. Now he was weak and I wanted nothing more than to throw him a shield and stand next to him with a sword. I will defend him from now on for the death of me.

I was knocked out of my thoughts from the door chiming. (Once again repaired…)

"Hungary?" I asked when I saw the girl standing at our doorstep with a worried expression etched into her face.

"I heard about Italy! Is he alright?" she looked distressed.

"I think he's… better than he used to be. How much exactly did you hear?"

"Ludwig, where did you go?" Italy called innocently from the table.

"Would you like to come in?" I asked her and hurried back to Italy.

_**Hungary's here**_. I wrote on the piece of paper that I had set on the table previously.

"Italy! I heard what happened! Are you alright? What exactly happened? I didn't hear much, can you tell me exactly what? Exactly? I want to know! Japan only told me you were really sick! I brought a lot of medicine and—"

I grabbed her shoulder to stop her from speaking as I saw Italy sadly staring at her lips. I could only imagine what he was thinking. This was just torturous. Taunting. His face was blank. It was always blank now. His eyes were vacant. They were always vacant now.

"Write it down. He can't hear you," I told her and handed her the marker I'd just written with.

"Italy, are you okay?" she tried to yell louder and I winced at the volume, grabbing her shoulder again.

"No, he can't _hear_ you or anyone. He's deaf," I tried to explain. "I guess you didn't hear that much."

"He's… what..? But I talked to him just a few days ago!" she flailed her arms theatrically and threw the marker across the room while she did so.

"Come on, I'll explain it," I sighed and transferred the message on to the paper with a new marker as I pulled her into the living room.

_**I'm going to go explain things to Hungary. If you want more pasta, it's on the stove.**_

_~Italy's Point of View~_

"Adaa A hot what pepepe ah you all red when end pepepe A tint he mom cans yoyo tint what tint A yoyo pan on me lemon six I bent lot mints A—" is what I happened to make out of her moving lips.

People made lip-reading seem so easy… But all I got was humbo-jumbo. I guess I could learn sign language, seeing as I probably won't be able to hear anymore.

I couldn't hear Ludwig's voice anymore. Or Elizaveta's. Or Kiku's.

Or mine.

But it's not like I care too much… Really. I was getting used to the silence, and I don't get headaches anymore.

I really care—_don't_. I really don't care.

"Italy ah ew kah," I saw from her lips again.

Ludwig looked irritated as he grabbed her shoulder again and said something to her while his eyes darted to me and Ludwig gave me an apologetic glance. I merely smiled back at him. I'm giving up on lip-reading. It's hard and annoying.

_**I'm going to go explain things to Hungary. If you want more pasta, it's on the stove.**_

My eyes followed them as they walked into another room.

These days I felt like a new person. I feel like all the negative emotions were ripped out of me when I…

But that doesn't mean the feelings were replenished. I feel so empty these days. Sometimes my heart beats faster around Ludwig, or I feel warmer even when the temperature stays the same. Sometimes my heart feels so constricted. I feel like an old apartment building. Most of the time no one lives in me. But one day. A man comes in and rents a room. Just for a little bit. He leaves a bit later, then comes back with groceries. My building is empty except for that man.

_~Narrator Point of View~_

Back in the living room, Germany's face was grim and his voice hesitant as he tried to explain all the traumatic events that fell upon them only one day prior. A lot happens one day doesn't it? It feels like a month ago Italy was having a panic attack on the floor of the guest bedroom. A month ago the room resembled a psychotic man's torture chambers. A month ago Italy had tried to capture his own life and annihilate it in the most grotesque way. Time slowed to a stop after that.

Hungary listened with wide eyes and for once was quiet without anything to interject. She was a gossip girl alright, but something like this… she couldn't even imagine making up. She didn't believe the man at first, but the more he went into detail with that grave expression…

It was creeping her out.

He told her about how he'd found Italy in the meadow of daisies, dreaming with a smile. It was the first time he became skeptical about his other smiles. He told her about how they had pasta for dinner after the World Meeting and he struck a dusted string in him and he snapped. About how he almost left the boy's home that day, but ended up returning due to a nagging feeling in his heart. How he found him screaming on the floor.

He told her that Italy had run off for some reason. He could no longer remember the small details. How he got himself hit by a car and that had been when Italy found out countries couldn't die. He mentioned how he found him in some terrible hallucinative state in the dead of night, which was the first sign he was going insane. The next day, going to a restaurant and meeting a waitress. Planning a date he didn't want to go on in the first place.

How the morning of the incident he found him being sarcastic and rude. Skin caked in paint. The most evident color: a vibrant purple color. Violet paint.

At this point he paused. Those were the easiest things to say… How does he describe last night?

"So… That's it? Why is he deaf now?" Hungary asked during the break.

"No…" Germany whispered. He almost couldn't bring himself to say it.

.

_"I said the only way a country could die was if they cut out their heart!"_

"_I tried. I really did. I followed all of China's instructions, but it didn't work."_

_"Italy, we're not lying to you!"_

_"Shut up! No! You kissed her! You love her! You hate me! You're leaving me for her!"_

_._

_"Stop! Italy, you're hurting yourself!"_

_._

Hungary saw Germany: one of the toughest nations. A nation that started a World War. She saw him put his head in his hands. He looked so stressed. Weak. Vulnerable.

"Hey… Whatever happened… It can't be that bad right? He just heard something too loud and it blasted his ear drums right?" she spoke softly.

"If only that were the case…" Germany whispered in a cracked voice as he shook his head violently.

"How else could you go deaf..?"

"Look at him." Germany's voice was strong and clear.

Hungary found this strange, yet poked her head over the couch and saw Italy sitting at the dinner table, poking around at his pasta.

"What?" she asked.

"Look at him closer. What's missing?"

_Missing..?_ she thought as she looked closer at him. _We were just discussing him being deaf… so… _she looked at his head. _Where…_

"What..? His ears… Is his hair just covering them _very_ well?" she started to freak out. "You don't just lose your ears over night! What the heck happened?"

"I'll continue…" Germany spoke in a wavering voice.

He had Hungary's full attention now. She occasionally glanced back at Italy during the story. Her face: complete and utter horror.

China's weird phone call. Calling Japan. Running back to Italy's house. His ghost of a voice carrying throughout the house, leading him to the guest bedroom where X marked the spot. His chest covered in hundreds of scars. Skin growing back over them. Knives. Knives everywhere. His life-story-speech. His feelings pouring out.

Him ripping his own ears off.

And now we're pretty much caught up to the present.

"You cannot be serious…" Hungary breathed after the end. "I don't believe you…"

Germany simply stood and motioned for her to follow with a solemn expression. Hungary followed him a bit warily. They came to a door that was politely closed by Japan.

"If you don't believe me, open the door," he said simply and stood to the side.

Hungary looked at Germany then back to the door. Germany. Door. Eventually the curiosity ripped her hand from her side and placed it on the doorknob.

_Twist._

If Italy wasn't deaf already, Hungary's scream would have done the deed for him.

* * *

**_Thank you for reading Chapter 18! I'm uploading dis a bit early because I'm going to be gone tomorrow for an anime convention ^.^ I hope you liked it! Italy POVs are going to be using human names now (supposed to be demonstrative and symbolic that he doesn't want to be the country of Italy) so I hope you all know their human names!See you Wednesday and don't forget to review :D_**


	19. Beautiful are your eyes, smile, heart

_Sountrack for this chapter: Eet by Regina Spektor_

"_It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song_

_You can't believe it_

_You were always singing along_

_It was so easy_

_And the words so sweet_

_You can't remember_

_You try to feel the beat_

_Eet~"_

_~Narrator Point of View~_

The door seemed to open so easily, as if it were any other door in the house. There was no ominous creak of the hinges like in the movies; no, it was just like entering your bedroom after a long day at work. Though if you came home to a room like this, you'd have a heart attack.

The room had a queen-sized bed in it with a table next to it with a lamp on it. Other than that, the room was pretty spacious and had wooden flooring. The sunlight skipped into the room so happily yet it lingered in the heavy atmosphere with accumulating fear.

There was so much scarlet. So much red. There were random puddles and splotches all over the floors and the walls, knives stuck in the walls and the floorboards. Angrily thrown for not doing their given jobs. Who even knew Italy owned so many knives? There were so many varieties. Small, large, sharp, dull, double-edged and jagged points. There were even a couple pairs of scissors.

The stench of the room smelled so revolting it could not be described by even the author of this story.

Imagine killing an animal on the side of the road. You know, just running it over on accident. Now, you're a nice girl or guy so you decide to take it back home to give it a proper burial, but when you get home, somehow you forget about the roadkill. It's left in the back of your car for a couple years, and when you finally get around to opening the case with it inside—that's about what it smells like. Got it?

The crimson splattered across the room was sickening. Almost like God had felt like splatter-painting that day on his canvas: the guest room. From the room, you could see red was his favorite color. However, despite the hazardously splashes of color, the most evident area was not in the middle like some people may imagine. It was more like way to the left—yet not quite in the corner. In that spot, someone had fought a battle and lost.

There were small chunks of skin around that area. Those who were there knew all too well what it was; Hungary could only imagine.

Hungary stood aghast in the doorway. Her eyes prickled with unshed tears. She felt like she was caught in the middle of a horror movie. Where was the monster that was going to come out and grab her? Grab her like they tore apart her dear friend, Italy.

"I wasn't lying, got it?" Germany's voice made the poor girl jump in surprise as he started to walk away. "I'm sure Italy would appreciate it if you left the door shut like you found it."

The words somehow registered in her subconscious and she dazedly wrapped her trembling fingertips around the door and swung it shut. So many. So many images were flashing through her head. What with the information she was just told and with a visual demonstration.

She eventually made her way back to the kitchen where Italy was washing his bowl. Germany just walked up behind him and patted his shoulder and smiled at him.

"I-I'm going to go... home…" her voice wavered as she made her way to the door with shallow breathing.

Germany wondered if it was really that great of an idea to show her the room.

"Luddy," Italy asked in a garbled voice.

Germany ran to get a whiteboard and a dry-erase marker and quickly returned. Some people may find it bothersome not being able to talk to someone, however Germany found it a bit easier. He could think things out better when he was writing it down.

"I look ugly without my ears, don't I?"

Germany looked up to meet sorrow-stricken eyes.

_**Of course not!**_ He even went as far to write an exclamation mark.

"Hungary think's I'm odd now. Crazy. Insane," he gave a humorless laugh and added: "All of the above."

_**You're beautiful, Feliciano.**_ Germany wrote on the whiteboard.

"Enough with that word…" Italy whispered with shut eyes and a shaking head. "I hate it. I hate it… People whom say it don't mean it… Beautiful is a word that shouldn't be thrown around so easily. It should be hard to say… So why do people say it so often?"

Germany thought for a moment. He really hadn't expected such a response. He really did find his little pasta-lover beautiful… How could he portray his emotions? His feelings?

His love?

_**The stars are pretty.**_ He wrote_**. I love how bright the moon is. I think the flowers are lovely. The color orange has always been my favorite. Kittens are adorable. I really like the carpet in Wal-Mart. The Wii is fun to play. I've always thought the big bathtub in Japan's house was so interesting. But the only thing I would call beautiful is your eyes. The only thing I could stare at longer than forever is your smile. The only thing I would call magnificent is your heart, and if you try to stop its rhythm again, mine would stop beating as well. **_

His words got squished together near the end because of lacking room on the board, but he tried desperately to get his words on all together. His words started to get a little smudged and started to wash away on their own somehow. Germany's eyes lifted to the auburn-haired beauty beside him and saw him staring down at the board with tears that finally came out of the shadows. For so long, _too_ long, Italy had chained back the tears that showed themselves now. That broke the shackles now. All but a couple sentences had coaxed them out.

"Y-You don't mean that. I could… never… be beautiful," he found the words left his lips before he could stop them.

Someone as beautiful as Ludwig couldn't fall for a clock with a missing clog like Feliciano.

The words were quickly erased from the board and Italy's amber eyes followed each one until they disappeared completely.

_**I do. **_

And with the two words, Italy grabbed onto Germany's shoulders and started to cry into his shirt. As much as his mind told him to object again, his heart begged to fall under the illusion just for a moment. That maybe it was possible for someone to love this insane character. Just for second please?

Germany dropped the marker and whiteboard in shock. But he didn't need the things to communicate. He held onto his fragile boy and stroked the back of his head. He whispered small words of comfort despite knowing his words would go unheard. However, he couldn't have been more wrong. Though Italy's physical ears didn't work, he could hear Germany through his steady heartbeat. He could hear him through his fingers that ran through his tangled locks.

"It's alright," he heard from the warm breath that tickled his neck.

Material words were nothing compared to those communicated through ones heart.

And then the marker rolled away from the pair on the tile floor as if it were going to spread the word.

* * *

_**Thanks for reading! I hope you liked this chapter! Yes, we're about done with the dark stuff (as far as I know. I just make this up as I go XD) See ya Sunday with another update and don't forget to review!**_


	20. Tousled Hair and Blue Jeans

_The end is nearing... And I believe this will be the final chapter. I hope you like it!_

_Soundtrack for this chapter:__Kataomoi by Chara_

_~Narrator Point of View~_

Italy clung to Germany as if he was a lifeline, and in some way, he was. Their hearts seemed to synchronize on their own. Their bodies molded together and formed as one and neither felt the desire to move. Neither wanted to leave the embrace. It'd been too long. Too long indeed and they were yearning for the other's warmth.

There was always something beckoning from far away. It was taunting and tempting, yet both decided to stay away from the foreign thing. It was in the dark, after all. How could you trust the unknown? Through the time, the beckoning hand grew closer and drew nearer. They tried their best to stay away, but found themselves following the hand. Sometimes you must take a leap through darkness to find light.

"Ludwig," Italy broke the bittersweet silence, "I… I'm not sure I can understand… What it means to love someone…"

Though he'd been so certain he was in love with him before, was it really love? Was it love if it changed to hate in so little time over one event? He always wished things would be like this. That Germany would return his feelings, but what does he do now? How does he change for his lover?

Germany reluctantly released Italy from their hold and picked up the whiteboard again. He held his sword and started to attack, stroke after stroke, the words appeared. They seemed to flow out so easily. So effortlessly.

_** To love someone… is to feel unspeakable sadness when you see them in pain. To put their life above your own. To want nothing more than to hold them. To love someone you show through actions since words are so meaningless and get lost in time anyways. At least… To me, that's what it means.**_

"In… action..?" Italy read it again before asking a question: "What do people do where you're from if they love someone?"

Taken aback, Germany thought carefully on how to respond. He'd heard such words before… And one answer rang in and out of his ears. It was only a matter of time before the words grew onto the whiteboard.

_**They… Kiss. I think…**_ Germany went as far as adding the periods, pink dusting over his cheeks.

Italy's expression changed only slightly. As if he was contemplating; thinking something over. His fingers pulled on the fringes of his hair as he bit the inside of his lip. He wanted to ask… But was it okay to? Germany did bring it up…

"Then… Germany?" Italy paused for a moment, "Could I? Kiss you… I mean…"

Italy looked away timidly, yet his eyes flickered back to the whiteboard every now and then. The atmosphere wasn't the most romantic. Not lit up beautifully like in a drama. There were no roses or sweet violins playing. They weren't even wearing the most romantic clothes. Simple, casual strips of fabric. Tousled hair and blue jeans.

Caught up in his thoughts, Italy _almost_ didn't notice when Germany lifted a thumb to his chin, forcing his eyes into his own. Looking, searching, asking, beseeching. Italy nearly stopped breathing as the distance between them closed and he felt Germany's lips on his own.

It felt so right. So perfect. Like it was exactly how it belonged. Their lips moved together like daisies danced in the wind. Their hearts beat in three, making a waltz and their own sweet melody. It wasn't the most romantic scenery. Not lit up beautifully like in a drama. There were no roses. But they played with each other's hair like a violin, and they played it well. Harmonious were the notes.

They felt lost in the moment, and at the time, they didn't care when if how long they'd stay together. Both silently had been yearning for this moment for centuries. The voids in their hearts were filled in as hands found their way around the other's neck and another pair on their partner's waist.

Yes, they were lost in the moment, as they even breathed into the kiss in unison. It felt so right. So perfect. Like it was exactly how it belonged.

Their faces were flushed red when they finally pulled apart, gazing deeply into the other's eyes. Words were so meaningless, getting lost in time anyways.

The hate that was in Italy's system only—the time of day was lost now, why even bother remembering what's in the past?—was now discarded. You cannot truly hate someone without love, and love without hate. Children have their fights and find themselves in the iridescent solutions, so why was it so difficult for adults?

It wasn't for the pair in the kitchen.

For no reason in particular, Germany scooped up his little Italy (he gave a little squeak in surprise. How adorable) and carried him to the bedroom with a smile floating on the corners of his cheeks. He had no intention of going anywhere with this, but he just wanted to fall beside his love. Perhaps dream of forever and never wake up from this dreamy reality.

Italy fell next to his lover silently and happily. Not jumpy and grinning like he always faked it, he seemed to just smile lightly. Over all the years of gluing a wide grin on his face, he found it more comfortable to smile as he was happy.

If he could be anything, he wouldn't change. If he were a daisy, he couldn't love Germany. If he were stars, he could only illuminate his beautiful face. If he were Italy, he could hold him forever, and kiss him when he liked. _Since_ he's Italy, he, Feliciano, will be Ludwig's eternally.

_~Italy's Point of View~_

And now that the past is over and done, so are the Lies that had previously driven me over the edge of sanity. But with the life source Germany has provided me, I find myself slipping back into humanity and civilization. I found that love truly can solve anything—as cliché as that may sound. And so that's where I will leave you.

Germany and I are going to be just fine, from now on. He even says he'll learn sign language with me so that we won't need to use a marker or pen as often. He says it could be our own little secret language, and that made me smile and hug him again.

And so we started with the alphabet.

A. B. C.

I. T. A. L. Y

F. E. L. I. C. I. A. N. O

L. U. D. D. Y

"I," I pressed a hand to my chest.

"Love," I made a heart with my hands.

"Pasta!" I started laughing as I got a playful hit and a pout from my _so tough_ Germany. (Who _obviously_ thought I was going to say something else. I _wonder_ what he was thinking.)

"Just kidding," I said quietly and pointed a single finger at Germany's nose before placing a kiss on it.

"You."

* * *

**_Yay! *throws confetti* Welcome to the end of Lies :D I hope you liked the story, and the ending as well! I'm so pleased with how much love this story has gotten and I'd like to thank you all. 3_**

**_Also, did you guys catch the Holy Roman Empire repeating backwards? If you didn't screw you I thought that was ingenious ;-; Nah, I'm kidding but if you saw it without reading this you win a plate of pasta made by Italy himself :D_**

**_And I also apologize for crappy romance writing.. I have no experience in the subject, therefore it comes out like mehhish._**

**_Aaaand: Although this story has come to an end, I just started writing a new multi-chapter fanfiction that supports USUK if you like that pairing :3 I just uploaded the first chapter a couple days ago, and chapter two should be coming out sometime tomorrow/in a couple ours if not tonight/this morning. (What is it even called when it's 2AM? XD) It's title is His Frozen Fingertips _**

**_ONE LAST THING: I've seen this done before so I thought it'd be fun to try it :3 (If my reviews reach 100) the 100th reviewer of this story will get a gift one shot :D You'll get to pick the pairing and genre and I will write it just for you~ _**

**_Thank you again for sticking with it until the end. I bit you farewell for this story and hello for future ones :)_**


	21. Not an Update

**No new chapter answering a guest review*

Okay, so I got a guest review lately, and a couple other people also thought that Italy would grow his ears back or something. Here's the review and the reason behind it ^.^

**From: Guest**  
**-**

**:Wait wait wait a minute! If Germany was able to regenerate after he got hit**  
**by a CAR then Italy would have gotten his ears back! You ended Lies with a**  
**lie!**

Actually, countries can't grow things back. Germany "regenerated" because was only beat up and things were cracked. His bones reconnected themselves since they were all there. Italy's heart also snapped back into place really quickly since it was the most vital part of his body and it sensed it immediately. However, by removing a body part, it can't grow it back. The skin grew back over his head, but that's all it could do. It just reconnects and reforms. (According to my logic.) Help any?

So: No to grow, yes to reconnect.

Any other question's I'll try to respond (hopefully through PMs but if you're a guest, I'd like to respond too. I might just add to this if I get another one so check back to see if I answered it if you're a guest ^.^)

Thanks for the support during (and after) writing this story! It means the world to me!

_The 100th reviewer was Berribex112! Her prize fic is titled Black White Grey and it's a Gerita romance ^.^_


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